I'm being so SELFISH

And I know why... because I'm jealous!

This weekend we are supposed to go to a festival upstate. It's a beer festival and I'm not looking forward to it. I think maybe part of it is my tiredness lately. I feel physically and emotionally drained. The other part is the drinking... I honestly don't find getting drunk fun anymore. I even feel like it's a waste of my time and money. I hate being around drunk people. I just don't really feel like it's for me anymore.

I think the other part is that my husband and I are in the middle of a fork in the road where we each can't agree on which path to take. Leaving me wanting to take a path alone. He never says the right thing and he never seems to understand where I'm coming from and it's been bringing me down more than I thought it could. I know he's busy though... and maybe in the end he's really just to busy for me at the moment.

I put in a lot of effort trying to find a house for us to stay in this weekend, however a friend stepped up and helped and we west with a house she found. Everyone is headed up early which likely leaves Paul and I on a sofa bed. I'm not thrilled. As a matter of fact, I'm pissed. These people see each other daily, they lay in the same bed every night TOGETHER, and I get a measly weekend here or there with my husband... I was hoping after putting in all that effort, we'd at least get a bed... maybe even our own room. Yeah Right! These people don't care about us and our situation.

I'm just so down... I don't feel like being around anyone or anything at the moment. I just want to take long walks and wonder around aimlessly in the nice weather. I want to curl into a comfy chair and get lost in a book. I want to sleep soundly, quietly, in a comfortable bed... alone. I want to find myself and figured myself out.

But then I think of what happened down south... all those people, what they saw, whom they lost, what they are going through... and I realize I'm very selfish. All those lives... gone. Selfish. All those soldiers killed. Selfish. What's wrong with me! Why am I acting like this stupid weekend is the end of the world. If I don't want to go - I simply don't have to go. If I want to go - then I should go. In the end it's no big deal, because there are FAR BIGGER crisis going on in the homes of so many good people. And my efforts should be focused on praying for those people and their loved ones... not myself!

So yeah - I need to stop being so selfish and think about the people who really are going through the living nightmare of their lives. May God bless them and protect them and blanket them with His love.

Nice...

Some days, you just want to hear someone say something simple, and honest, and nice. Something thoughtful and without malice.

I find it sad that I have co-workers who express their feelings more true than my family & close friends.

New Lens

So I did pick up that Tamron lens a few weeks ago and so far so good. I have a bunch of pictures I need to download from easter but my favorites were pictures from a Hike I did with the kids... it was only a 2 mile hike but it was loads of fun for a spring day!






Then I took a few more I liked from a trip to maine with Paul.

Lost... in a book

I find myself often lost in a book. I especially love books that make me feel... scared, terrified even, worried, frustrated, happy, loved, cozy, interested... feel.

It's awesome. It's better than any show or movie. But like all books... they have endings... and during those endings, I feel melancholy... sometimes even sad. Worse than a book ending is a series ending... because you know that character's tale is now no more.

Last night I forgot my Kinde at my grandma's. Paul was shocked... I know I know... you are too. None the less, I managed to DL my book on my iphone and continued reading it last night before bed and again on my morning commute. I only had a few more pages left, so while I was waiting for some work to DL, I pulled it up on my Kindle forPC app. Now it's finished. I was sad. It ended kind of sad and yet ... making me want more. Unfortunately the next book doesn't come out till May... only a few weeks away really. The book is light reading... for maybe a HSer, but I'm enjoying it. I'd compare it to the Twilight Saga... but with Faeries. And I love faeries!

So here I am... glad I've read it but sad it's over. So I guess being that I have to read something... or I become sad... I'll pick up a book I grabbed at a used book store. It's a creepy thriller and I'm sure I'll be scared sleeping in my creaky apartment alone tonight! Nothing like following a sweet, romantic fairytale with a creepy, scary thriller to get you out of the funk.

Hold the door, pelase.

There is something thoughtful and even romantic about a door held open for you. It's such a small action, but it speaks volumes. I hope that my husband will always remember to hold the door open and allow me to enter before him. I hope he places his hand on my lower back to lead me into a doorway with a smirk or smile. I hope that when we get into the car, he thinks to walk to the passenger side and open my door when he's driving... especially on date nights or when I'm carrying something or am dressed up. And I hope every time he does... he doesn't think it a chore, but a small action that speaks words like "I love you" and "I care for you"...

It's amazing... how holding open a door can open your heart.

Riding Log: Day 27 (Sunday River)

Today was spring corn all day. It was wet and ... well wet. It had rained all night long. But like always we make the best of it. I decided I LOVE LOVE LOVE moguls and Paul was super surprised. He said he created a monster. The best part is when he said he was glad he was riding with me because he wouldn't have had as much fun with someone else... and it had nothing to really do with it being that I'm his wife! He said that I appreciate what I get... if it's spring corn, slush, potatoes, or ice... I appreciate what God allowed me to ride on that day and I make the best of it... have fun and be grateful! I appreciate that he notices... and that he's the same!

LOVE MY HUSBAND!

Riding Log: Day 26 (Sunday River)

Today was cloudy and cold! The snow was perfect. The morning was granular a top hardpack/ice. We had a blast just doing as many runs on the newly opened side of the mountain as possible. We stopped for a quick lunch and kept on going. Unfortunately I had the worst vertigo and kept dry heaving... it definitely put a damper on such a great riding day... but our spirits remained super high.

We headed out to the brewery for some free wings, dinner and beer and then got back to jump into the hot tub. Good times indeed!

Riding Log: Day 25 (Sunday River)

Today Paul and I arrived at our Hotel @ Sunday River fairly early - got dressed and headed out on our way. It was a pretty amazing day. It was super sunny and the snow was still firm. But that quickly changed. Only a handful of lifts were open but we made the best of it. After lunch the snow got thick, wet and slow... but we love snowboarding... no matter what the conditions are!

Once we were done we headed back to the bar for a few more beers, headed to the hotel to shower and grabbed some grub and brew at the Sunday River Brewery. A successful day indeed... until I passed out at 8:30 from pure exhaustion.

Guess What

I'm EXCITED to see my husband! He's special... but we've gone weeks without seeing each other before... and ended up parting after a long weekend together... a bit... disappointed. We have expectations and sometimes those expectations aren't met... mostly because they aren't communicated.

So this time I made a list!

1. ME > snowboarding
2. Smiles and words of encouragement
3. Camera patience
4. Cuddles and intimacy... the passionate yearning needy kind... and the romantic kind too!
5. Photos and videos of my riding!
6. Yummy meals filled with good conversation
7. The talk: that talk about where we are going and how we feel about that.
   
8. Understanding after ^^ conversation
9. And lots and lots of love
10. Did I mention LOVE?

Now for him to communicate his expectations... I'd hate not to meet them after being apart for so long!

Rios Wedding Photo Corner

Here is a little peak at our photo corner. ENJOY!

Wasted Brain Space

I just wasted brain space reading a book about a woman hunted by the Russian mafia who falls in love with a millionaire vampire... who was a former monk protected by Scottish highlanders. Oh and she has psychic abilities as does her father who is part of a team of CIA vampire killers.

Hahaha I need to laugh at myself... because... I enjoyed it!

How To Marry A Millionaire Vampire

Kerrelyn Sparks

Yarn Along Update

Here are my squares thus far!

Our Weekend

plans were thwarted. With very few reservations... they canceled the bus to stratton. Now I don't get to see my husband whom I miss tremendously and I don't get to snowboard. I'm sad... so I'm sitting here ... in my PJ's that my friend Jenn sewed for me... watching NCIS... crocheting.... hoping next time will work out better.

Thin

No no no... not my waist line... ha!

I am known to spread myself too thin... and then fall apart at the seams. I get cranky, I get impatient, and ultimately... my family calls my psycho!

It has happened again. There are 4 things I desperately want this weekend:

1. To snowboard (with Jomel)
2. To see my husband
3. To help my mom out by babysitting... which actually brings me to 4
   
4. To see my baby brother and sister

So in an effort to achieve all these things I wanted to drive us ALL up to VT and meet Paul and pay for a hotel for 2 days so that we can have a mini vacation. Paul vetoed this idea after pricing it out and noticing that it would cost nearly $600 to snowboard... 1 day.

So instead I'll be parking my car a 1/2 mile away Friday night, waking up at 3AM Saturday, walking over to the Emilios bus stop (after getting my gear from the car), riding a bus with Jomel to VT, snowboarding all day with Jomel & Paul (who will meet us there), take the bus back to NY, drop off Jomel, drive home, find parking, shower, sleep, wake up at 8AM, drive to Carmel, NY, get kids fed, pack car, go for mountain biking/ hiking/ picnic adventure in State Park, go home, shower kids, homework, sleep, wake up ... take train to Manhattan... b/c we all know I won't be driving home on Sunday night after all that.

HA I must be CRAZY! CRAZY in love with my family!

Yarning along

So I had the urge today... to buy new yarn. I had a project in mind... but changed my mind. I had colors in mind... but changed my mind.

So initially I was thinking bright bright bright pinks and greens and blues and purples. Nice deep colors in a stripey blanket of goodness... but then I went to Michael's and an acrylic yarn I've never used before was on sale for $1.99 a skein. So I went for it. I purchased these colors:

Aren't they pretty. They aren't bright... they are almost muted, but they go so well together in their randomy goodness. Some nice light yellow with a nice dull purple that go so well with that bright blue and deep coral and let's not forget that mossy green!
So instead of stripes... I went with rounds made squares... well actually they are a version of granny square courtesy of Lucy @ Attic21. They are coming out splendid and I can't wait to get these done and stitched together in the cutest little blanket. I'm falling in love, but I know I'll need to give this one away... to a co-worker expecting her 1st. I know she'll just love it! At least I do!

Riding Log: Day 24 (Stratton)

Today we took the bus trip to Stratton. It was pretty fun. The bus was late and that sucked but once we got there it snowed all day... but it was wet and heavy. It was Paul, Nelson, Juliana and Me... go times were had by all!