Train Karma

So I generally believe in Karma... I don't necessarily believe in its TRUE definition... which is that every thought, action & word spoken carries a certain energy into the universe. I mean I do believe that this is true, but I'm talking about whats is more commonly referred to as karma, a punishment for past actions.

Basically I think I'm a good F train rider. I get up for the elderly, pregnant and disabled. I even get up for children... even ones who are 12 and perfectly capable of standing. I try and be a good "neighbor" even if only for that temporary trip through the dirty tunnels under NYC.

In the early mornings, I generally get a seat. I do actually believe that a lot of the time this is due to my good train karma. I mean, believe what you may, but I do believe that good actions come back to you. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. It all makes sense, right?

Well this morning, I was aggravated, nasty, said mean things, and left after a fight with Paul. I was sad, droopy, upset, frustrated, and spewing bad energy. The train platform was packed. The F train came and that was packed. I waited for the next one and everyone seemed to get a seat but me. At 71st and again at Roosevelt, a few sitting riders got up to exit and again I was not quick enough to find a place to park my angry, steaming, frustrated ass.

I ended up standing the whole ride... while cramping, tearing, and over thinking the wrong things I did all morning when it hit me. My energy, my karma, was dark, why should I sit... why would God allow me that small luxury? Why would he ruin someone else's perfectly happy mood on this wet Friday morning by seating me next to them"? Maybe all this time, my train karma thoughts were true.