Melancholy

Today is melancholy. I woke up tired but excited after a late night celebrating Dave’s birthday. I came home after 12 – the E train was still not running ugh! – Anyway, Paul had fallen asleep and it was hard to have a good night sleep while I worried about him in the back of my mind. I worried something may have happened or less dramatically, that he had gone out and was not going to have a good night sleep and might miss his train to Mercedes today.

Thankfully, bright and early my phone chirped with a text from Paul. He was fine and had just fallen asleep before I’d gotten home. The worry wart in me was relieved but my realistic side knew better than to worry.

So this morning I woke up, shaved my legs, moisturized until my skin wouldn’t absorb anymore, threw on a cute dress and mega high heels (I fell short of make-up and cute hair). I put myself together in something I thought he’d notice. So he would know that I was excited for him to visit.

Then in the afternoon I got an email from him that there has been a change of plans. His train broke down pushing is meeting from noon till 4PM and that he wont be do home till after 8. So much for him seeing my cute outfit. Oh well – I won’t let it ruin the fact that he will be home … no matter when.

But then it left me hallow. I don’t know why. Maybe it was a conversation with a co-worker today. He’s engaged and his fiancé is also in an MBA program. I just don’t think you can compare as much as he’d like to though. Paul and I are in a similar boat, yes that is true, but Paul is in another state unlike his fiancé who is right here in good ol’ NY. I know that it must be hard for him just like it’s hard for me, but I just don’t think they are comparable. But anyway, our discussion was really beginning to upset me. He has such a negative outlook and me, being more positive on this one, was kind of brought down from my cloud with the things he said. I’m looking forward to seeing Paul tonight if only to prove him wrong.