My 1st Granny Square Blankie

Rather than starting with a full sized blanket, I've been making hat's, scarves, headbands and baby blankies. After all - my patience level couldn't keep up with a project that'd take months.

I love this blanket... the bright citrus colors are so refreshing!

Sweet! STDs are gone!

No silly not thoooooose STD's

The last of my save the dates are in the post ready to be sent away!

woohoo!

I need to post a picture of them - they are so amazing. But of course I was lazy and forgot to take a picture.

Oops

Cake Cake Cake

So after going crazy trying to find a baker to make our wedding cake for a reasonable price, we went back to the original woman.

We decided on a simple, yet fun cake. It's a bit different and it basically encompass what we were looking for. Something simple. Something white/ivory. Something without ribbon! And something fun.

Paul still wants there to be some color. I don't know if we can. The peonies in these pictures won't match anything else so I asked her to maybe do anemones of some sort. Anyway - our pigs will be sitting atop per Paul's request.
These cakes were done by our baker - of Sugar Cakes in Breckenridge

We've been getting some negative feedback on the ruffles... but I think I give up. I don't care. I suppose that people are entitled to their opinions and I appreciate their honesty. But in this circumstance, I'd appreciate their acceptance. Acceptance that it isn't their choice, that they should be supportive, and that if they aren't paying for it, they can't possibly understand the limitations. But what I'd appreciate more is their wallet... because lets face it... this likely wouldn't be our 1st choice cake, venue, dress, shoes, etc... if we had the funds to buy what our hearts desired... but it doesn't work that way.

In the end - the most important part of January 8, 2011, will be Paul and my vows to one another.

Goonight & Goodbye

Donations Meet Crafts

I've been crocheting for only a few months now but it's already become a fun hobby and I've even made sales from my little creations.

My crafts have gotten bigger and better since I've started and I decided that I wanted to crochet for charity. I was going to begin making chemo caps but the weather has been warm and this September I have a craft sale I need to hook tons for. So instead I decided to sell each one of my hats with a little note - that tells each customer that $1-2 of their purchase price will go directly to ACS - American Cancer Society.

I think it's a good way to still get my quota in for the craft sale, but still contributing to causes I believe in.

Maybe for every hat I sell, I will donate to ACS and for every blanket or purse, I'll donate to AHA - American Heart Association. Or maybe I can ask each customer which Charity they'd prefer their money to go and just keep track and send it all in at once.

As written in the Bible:

"And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance,
so that by always having enough of everything,
you may share abundantly in His good works."

- II Corinthians 9:8

The rise of the minimoon

I suppose with the economy where it's at, minimoons are at an all time high. I've dreamed of my honeymoon far more than I've dreamed of my wedding day. I still picture beaches, fun drinks, romantic dinners, 4 wheelers, hikes, waterfalls, cliff jumps, boats, and so much more. But sadly, our last name is neither Kardashian or Hilton and our bank accounts can't handle our wedding and a full honeymoon. Thus the minimoon is born.

Being that our wedding is set at the base of Breckenridge, CO, we don't have far to go for our minimoon. We will simply just stay there. We have booked our hotel room for 10 days and will staying for a full week after the wedding. But here is where I am conflicted... Paul vs Snowboarding vs Friends.

Some friends and family are also staying after the wedding... for at least 1 day. We are planning on snowboarding and doing dinner with our families on Sunday. We plan on hanging and with no plans. Just everyone going about what they want to do and us peeking in and joining where we can. We plan on snowboarding and skiing with the friends and family who stay on Sunday... and I'm sure laughs will be had at the beginners expense.

After they leave we'll still be left with some friends and family... snowboarders... who intend to stay and take full advantage of their trip to CO. My confusion... when do you stop? When do you say... okay guys... we are saying goodbye because right now... we start our minimoon?

Another issue is snowboarding in general. Knowing Paul and I... we will want to take full advantage of our time in CO to eat up every drop of fresh snow we can... fresh lines everywhere! But - as romantic as snowboarding can be... it really can't be that romantic. When to we say enough is enough and do something else? And when we decide enough is enough... what else is there to do that won't leave us wishing we were snowboarding?

Oh why are we so ridiculously obsessed!?!?! I mean look at our engagement shoot!

And this little piggy went...

Why is the piggy so misunderstood? I've been sleeping with my stuffed pig similar to the pig below for years. I even got into it with Paul because he actually gets jealous of my little plus sleeping mate. I search for him in the night if he falls off the bed. And I stroke his 'fur' when I'm having a rough day or going through anything emotionally draining. He's my little savior.
Most people know that I'm fairly obsessed with pigs and frogs. I joke that animals that play in mud and feces all day are animals I can relate to. I think pigs are just misunderstood.

Today I received my cake toppers - you can see them on my earlier post. I was thrilled and excited. I was so happy with them. I sent a picture of them to my mom and she just didn't get it. She was like, "Pigs? why pigs?"

In any event, I was a bit disappointed she couldn't see the fun in the pigs. It's okay. I actually think Paul's mom is more aware of my pig obsession than my own mother. She even picks up a pig or frog figurine for me once in a while.

I read a fellow bride's blog who said Parents keep out... basically that she wasn't going to share her plans with family anymore because they always seemed to disagree rather than support her ideas. I think maybe I'll have to do the same. I'll have to make it all a surprise! We are doing this wedding our way... because it's our wedding. And one day when we have a child and it's their turn, I hope that they have the balls and the creativity to do the same!

At the end of it all.... all I really need to be sure of is that I'm doing the right thing for me and Paul... and if I am... all will be okay.

Relief!

So much wedding stuff to do but when even just the little things get done... it's a huge relief.

Yesterday I received my rehearsal dinner shoes. That means my Friday night attire is complete! The Evening is not formal... it's more casual, but I wouldn't call it jeans and sneakers casual. I however, will be looking pretty for my man. After all, it's his last night to change his mind and he has to leave me Friday night without a hint of doubt in his mind! That means... best behavior, pretty smile, sweat words & of course... many many I love you's.

My dress is from London Times.
The color is a bit more bronze taupe than gold, but you get the idea.
I must admit that it is very classy!

Here are the shoes I bought to match... for a whopping $35 at Nine West.
I think they are a bit dark but will do the trick.
Did I mention I LOVE my rehearsal dinner outfit!?

In addition, I received my bridal shoes. I won't be posting pictures because Paul wants to be completely in the dark about every detail regarding my appearance for our big day. He won't know heads nor tails about what I will be wearing until the chapel doors open! I love that he is traditional like that.

What I can tell you, my shoes fit, are comfortable and are exactly as I pictured them. They are more than perfect, they are divine! And they are even better because they were a bit cheaper than our wedding budget allocation!

And I also received our lovely, adorable, perfect cake topper piggies. They are pink, they are plump, and they are oh so cute! And they aren't as small as I thought they'd be... so my worries are gone. They are perfection! I mean how cute are these?! They are so Paul and I... on many plump levels! I think they are the one wedding purchase I can feel 110% about!

Now if only I can find someone to do my hair & makeup, our cake & of course our ceremony music.

Once those last 3 headaches are gone... the only BIG HUGE headache that remains will be our families craziness over how to get to Breckenridge, what to do while they are there and of course... how they will pay for it. I wish they'd get it together but lets face it... they never have it together. I'll just need to keep concentrating on why I'll be there... to marry the man I'm destined to be with for the rest of my life.

Current Obession: White Country Kitchens

Who wouldn't want this!

@ Our Best

Roomates

I've already blogged my disastrous weekend in Chicago... and I've noticed I've changed. I actually get annoyed when I hear about Paul's roomie. I don't like to see his pathetic updates on facebook (a place he posts pictures of his meals, his view, his clothes, his laundry - yep he's pathetic). I don't like to hear Paul's conversations that start with "we". I really really dislike the guy. I don't know if I'm more excited for Paul to come home so that we can actually be together or because I'll be happy this kid will be out of our lives.

Before Paul moved to Boston the 1st time, I expressed that I hoped he wouldn't have a roommate. I've never had one since Freshman year of College and I could never picture how it'd be like visiting my fiance in a house he shared with virtual strangers. As it turned out, I hardly visited him anyway. He came home often and there was little need for me to take the trip up. This summer, he got a roommate in Chicago since he'd only be there for 3 months. It made perfect sense. But already I didn't like it while I was there. This coming semester he will have 2 roommates that I haven't yet met. I think visiting will again be strange.

No one wants to feel like their most intimate moments can be heard muffled through the thin walls, but worse yet, no one wants to share their few moments with their loved one. You want that person all to yourself. After all, those people have him every single day... and you only have him for that 1 or 2.

It's only 1 more year... not even. Come May, Paul will have graduated... hopefully at the near top of his class with a great job offer in his hand. We will be just the two of us, truly beginning our married lives together. And he did promise never to leave me and force us to do long distance again.

Wedding Cake Fiasco

I'm not a huge fan of wedding cake. I don't think they taste that great, their sole purpose is for pictures, and they are over priced. Sometimes I think I'd be better off with a sheet cake from Walbaums (they have great cakes!).

I had to send some pictures to a potential baker and here is what I sent.... they are simple and hopefully won't cost $6+ a person.

Yes - these little things are our cake toppers

The 1st cake is fondant and silver dragee and the 2nd is butter cream, ribbon and roses in all ivory. I like the understated elegance of both. LESS IS MORE! Hopefully that goes for the price too!

My Personal Checklist

A Bridal Checklist:

Something old, something new
Something borrowed, something blue
And a silver sixpence in her shoe.

This saying likely won't be happening. 1st of all, I won't have anything old on... except maybe my self! Almost everything will be new. I'm not borrowing anything because my snot nosed sister won't let me.... but I got the blue covered and no sixpence (sexpense... is how I 1st spelled it bahahaha) in my shoe please!

Anyway, my checklist is well on its way but I can't share pictures.... because Paul will see

Gown = check
Crinoline = check
Shoes = check
Jewelry = check
Bra =
Rehersal dress = check
Rehersal shoes = check
Hair =
Makeup =

At least much of this list has a ''check''

How the hell does THAT happen.

I'm so angry right now... angry and confused. Paul and I did not exchange birthday gifts this year. We didn't really know what we wanted... well I did, I just didn't get it. And therefore we ended up not exchanging. Today I perused the sale section of the J.Crew website and found this bathing suit I am completely in love with.


1st of all... how cute is this suit? The straps are removable for tan line avoiding and yet it's re-attachable for water fun. It's ultra feminine and the peach color is divine. It's just such a cute little retro suit. I love it... the best part is it's on sale! A J.Crew swimsuit for less than $50!

I sent the link over to Paul and asked that this suit be my late birthday gift. I just picture toting my beach towel over to the beach now. How exciting! We are hoping to go away somewhere beachy this August.... how perfect... a new suit!

But no - instead of getting the answer I had hoped... "Sure honey, that would look adorable on you" or even the one I didn't hope... "No honey, I don't like that suit"___ I got something far worse. It began with "negative. you are not allowed to wear a one piece until after you have kids. what are you, 40?" and then it ended in "if you want to feel confident and sex, work out. not trying to be a dick, but if you are not comfortable in a bathingsuit, change your body, not the suit."

I love that statement... it's like... No offense, BUT.... You DO mean offense... because if you didn't you wouldn't have said it! Anyway ... how in the heck did me thinking the suit above was adorable translate into a conversation of my self esteem, self confidence and weight?

I of course went into how you don't need to let your whole body hang out to look sexy and beautiful to which he responded with this gem - if you are "hanging out" then get a bigger size.

I sometimes have to wonder what I'm getting into marrying such an insensitive oaf. The same one who smacked my ass and told me it jiggled down to my ankles. Am I marrying a man who will give me self esteem issues? Am I marrying a man who will ridicule me for all my flaws?

He told me to stop making excuses and get in shape. I must be honest... I need to work out. I need to get in shape... but not because I'm fat or ugly. Just because It would be healthier for me to do so. I'm bigger than most. I am most definitely curvy and those curves are exactly what I love about my body. I have a full figure... full of delicious feminine curves!

He also managed to tell me this when I asked him how the conversation went in this direction... "i didn't attack. i just think that liking the style and color are not the end of the story.

we have both struggled with weight since we met. and i feel that sometimes you "settle" and accept it instead of being proactive about it. i struggle to be proactive about it but i will never settle"

I am so frustrated at the moment. I don't struggle with losing weight. I struggle with doing something to actually have to struggle to lose weight. But a lot of that has to do with me being unmotivated. I am not upset with myself when I look in the mirror... well I am but that's because my skin has changed and my face is starting to age. As a woman who wears no makeup it becomes apparently clear that I may need to start.

I am hurt... very hurt. I just honestly can't stand it anymore. If I am okay with myself, why can't anyone else be? This after I told Paul I don't believe in wedding diets. I'm me, I look like me... and I want to look like me at my wedding, not a skeleton of my former self. This coming from the person who claims I'm beautiful with and without clothes. This coming from the son of the woman who managed to say I needed to go on a diet before the wedding... even though she has had lipo and still likely takes up a bit more than 1 seat on the airplane. Really? People need to worry about themselves and stop worrying about me. I'm 5'7'' and 155lbs. I have a 30 inch waist and 42.5 inch hips. I have a 36 inch bust. I'm curvy and I'm beautiful... now step off my shit!

Yes, my booty really is that size!

Yes, I'm a size 8-10 and yes, I can still wear a bikini and
let someone take my picture that I'm willing to share with the world.
- and yes, there are ones where I wouldnt.

See what you want to see

See what you want to see... but don't try and convince me to see through the same distorted goggles.

It brings a smile to my face

It really brings a smile to my face to hear stories of my baby bro and sis. They are pretty hilarious and I love it. K is 6 and spoiled to death and A is 11 going on 21. A is so good with K. She plays with him, protects him, takes care of him... she really is a good big sis, but of course she's a tween and she wants some alone time... and sometimes she yells, "K, get out of my room! Stop following me! Leave me alone!" But they are close. They really do love each other... a lot.

Last weekend, I spent it up in the pool goofing off with my brother and sister. One night, K and I found a frog which he immediately caught and we used to scare my mother. My brother and I proceeded to throw balls at each other. Somewhat like dodgeball, but more balls and you can't be out. Anyway, the frog was hiding under the table. When K went to check on el sapo he fumbled a bit and toppled over. Of course a trick was in order.

I told him that he had squished the frog with his butt. I told him the frog guts were wet and gooey all over his shorts and that he ha murdered the poor frog. K of course was freaking out. Part of him was sad he murdered a poor innocent frog and another was disgusted that he had frog gut on his booty. I told him to strip down. I decided to help him, making sure to only touch the front of his shorts and only using 2 fingers. I was very careful. He ran inside to tell A who immediately said eww and made sure to keep the joke going (she must have known I had him going). Once it was all over and he was running around the deck naked, I told him to take a look. He walked over and picked up his shorts with 2 fingers to inspect his shorts. I think grabbed the shorts and rubbed them all over his face screaming bloody murder. He freaked out. I began laughing and told him the frog was still safe and sound hopping along and there were no frog guts on his butt. Once the initial shock of my evil trick wore off, he actually cried complaining to my mom I had tricked him. It was a mixture of pure fear, anxiety and embarrassment that induced the water works. That of course made me laugh at him more. Once he was calm... after my mom told him to get a grip, he came up to me, slapped my arm and told me to NEVER do that again! It was a evil and mean trick.... and lucky for me... he is just like me.

The other night, he wanted to play a trick on A. He told my Mom to give her some warning. He went into the room where A was watching TV. This was the interaction:
K: "Hey A, Mom let me pee in a bottle" (yes on long trips this has happened and K finds it awesome)
A: "Eww!"
K: "Here wanna see it?" (while holding a small bottle of pineapple soda)
A: "No, get away from me! That's disgusting!" (running to my mom)
A: "Mom, why did you let him pee in a bottle?"
K: "A look!" (as he drank the pineapple soda)

A squirmed and squealed and was completely disgusted for a few seconds until it kicked in her head that she'd been had.

K then went up to my mom and whispered "I can't believe that she believed me"


That's my bro! Pranksters for life!

Sometimes I don't want 3

Have you ever been that girl? The one who avoids all her friends to simply spend her every waking and sometimes sleeping moment with her man? Have you ever been the friend?

Generally, I'm not that girl, but I once was. I was once the girl who would ditch my girls to cuddle next to my boyfriend at night. I'd spend an hour on the phone while they watched a movie without me at a sleepover. I'd skip that party to sneak out for a late night walk by the bridge. But that girl has been long gone... 9 years ago gone.

I'm pretty good about sharing myself and my man with our friends. We have fun in big groups and small groups ... we generally don't mind the 3rd wheel, but sometimes... well sometimes I don't want to be 1 of 3.

When being part of a long distance relationship with limited time together, you begin to look at every minute like a rare rainbow that you need to take in and cherish. You feel like every minute should be quality time (that does mean having sex repeatedly in an effort to satiate your physical desires for the time lost). You feel like every minute should be spent absorbing each others' aura because in a few hours, it'll be over and the scent of him lingering on your clothes is all you'll have left.

Needless to say then, this weekend was hard for me on many levels. Arriving after a long long long wait to get on a flight (standby) and being utterly exhausted due to the time and due to the stress of my trip, I was thrown into a home that I wasn't completely comfortable in, meeting Paul's roommate, a man I don't know, and taken to a bar that I didn't necessarily want to go to. Quality time to me, does not require an audience and does not require beer. I've never met him before though, so I tried to make the best of it and get to know him. We was nice enough. Younger. Friendly. Funny. Sarcastic. It was fine... but I was tired and not in the mood.

Saturday we toured around Chicago and I was simply miserable. Public transport in Chicago does not hold a dime to the MTA. Thank you, NYC MTA, for all those times I've complained about the F train, I take it back. You are more than perfect compared to the "L" and the "T". We walked around in 90+ degree heat doing the tourist thing... but I dont like the tourist thing, so after seeing the infamous bean, I was pretty much done. I was even underwhelmed with the dirty bean, finger prints everywhere. Apparently the only fun thing to do with this said bean is take pictures, but my tricycle of a party didn't care to... as usual. And Paul can be selfish during picture time... not just does he not want to be in any pictures but he doesn't really want to take pictures of you either. He blames the complication of the SLR... the fact that he'd press 1 button, the same as his phone or any other camera doesn't matter to him. So basically that was a wash.

The heat was getting to me so we were back on the horrid "L" to go to rib fest... where we gorged on ribs. That was good... for a while. I mean, it was a street closed to rib vendors. After eating, there is very little else to do. They wanted to go to China Town for bubble tea... I protested but was vetoed. I mean... honestly, who rides on this damned "L" longer than necessary for bubble tea. Bubble tea is little more than tapioca dumped in a glass of iced tea. It is NOT worth an extra stop on the "L" let alone multiple. So instead we took the "L" and a bus to the beach... which was disturbing to say the least.

The beach isn't like NY... its attached to a lake, not an ocean. It's small by comparison. And it was crowded ... much much much more crowded with both tan and white, fat and skinny, toned and floppy.... with all colors and walks of life... it was filled... to it's sweaty brim. It was go home time for me... but nope... it was bar time for them. So yet again I found myself... with Paul and his roommate at yet another bar, sipping on a beer I didn't want to drink. Shortly after we went to yet another bar to meet with Paul's Mom and her friend. We had yet another drink... until it was past 9 and we were back on the "L" to get to the car which we'd have to drive home.

The combination of the vittles consumed and the time we arrived home, the need of a shower and my utter tiredness, our romantic date night was already foiled. My stomach was in shambles and I was exhausted beyond comprehension. After a shower I was asleep happy to have a few moments alone. Yes. I flew all the way to Chicago and did more nothing than anyone could ever comprehend... and at the end of the day, all I wanted was to sleep. Alone. And yes... was cranky, ungrateful, and depressed.

Sunday came and I begged Paul to do brunch alone... it was probably the nicest hour or 2 I spent while in Chicago. We then went to Best Buy, got Paul's roomie, went to the movies (yep... movie with 3 people, not the regular date night 2), ran errands and then finally grabbed my bags and went to the airport.

Normally the last thing I want to do is leave Paul... but I couldn't get on that plane fast enough. I wanted out of that city, I wanted out of that car, I wanted out of that house. I wanted home more than I could possibly explain.

Paul and I need to get something strait... and we need to get it strait fast because it will only get worse. We are different and we don't like the same things. When I am around, I want to spend it with him! Not him and his roommate. Not sitting in the back seat of the car alone or worse yet with his annoying roommate unable to even hold his hand. I don't mind going out for a few drinks... but we are 28 and 29 years old, we do not need a chaperon. I don't need to spend hours traveling to go hang out at a bar with him and his roommate. This coming year, Paul will be moving back to Boston but rather than a dorm, he'll be rooming with 2 other guys in a house or apartment. I don't know how I'll feel when visiting. It depends on how intrusive his roommates will be. It will depend on how Paul acts while I'm there. He says I never visit him... but now he knows why. I was much more inclined to make the trip to Detroit, but even then he came to NY more. At least then the excuse was that I had to work longer hours than he did and therefore he had the travel flexibility. Not like now, where I'd rather simply stay home alone.

His parting words to me were that I was miserable company. That I had no friends. That I shouldn't visit anymore. And I'm sure he said more. Maybe he's right. I was miserable company... mostly because I was miserable with the situation and the company I was with. I don't have many friends... because I chose to only keep a few... ones who bring my up rather than down. And not visiting him anymore won't be a problem. I don't enjoy it... and won't torture myself.

I could hardly call what I did this weekend ... visiting Paul. I more or less witnessed his new lifestyle and that's about it.

Trust vs Jealousy

I read a post by my cousin today discussing the story of a friend of hers. To make a long story short... he trusted his wife, was a doting husband, and thought he had a decent enough marriage. He picked up her phone one day to find a social media site ... though she made him delete all of his (due to her jealousy). When he confronted her, she acted very defensively and even angry. He later joined FB and she would not accept any friend requests from him nor allow him to list her as his wife. In the end, through a dummy account, he found out that she was flirting with other men and possibly meeting them for ''innocent'' drinks. This hurt fueled him to friend ever woman, ex, and pretty face he found on Facebook. After a few seemingly innocent flirting back and forth with another woman, they met - but did not sleep together. Feeling guilty, he told his wife. They are now getting divorced.

This made my mind wander in so many directions. Part of me wanted to shake my head. Do you ever hear a story that seems like a train wreck in slow motion... you cringe before the ending because you already know whats going to happen? It was sorta like that... but at the same time, I wanted to laugh. In the end... Facebook ruined their marriage. But really it didn't. Their marriage was ruined way before Facebook entered the picture.

Then I also began to think of jealousy in general... as well as trust. I'm an overly trusting person when it comes to relationships. Sometimes I'm so secure that people have to give me that, "what you talkin' bout, Willis?" face. But I am trusting... and believe that's how good relationships are based. In the end though, this man was also trusting... and look where it left him... in the middle of a divorce, being both deceived and deceitful. Am I too trustful? There is definitely what can be referred to as a healthy dose of jealousy in any relationship. It's natural to feel a little possessive of those you care about.

Then I thought about trust on it's own. I've always thought to myself that there are two very clear motivators for trust issues in a relationship... your past and your trust within yourself.

I think it's fair to say that any man or woman who has been the victim of adultery would feel nervous and have trouble trusting their future partners. It's self defense. They felt what hurt someone can make them feel by infidelity and they don't want to feel that again. But their new partner may be faithful and be punished for someone else's past actions. If they love each other, they'd need to work on it. The partner would need to be patient and talk things through. Maybe even be overly open about details that would normally not need to be communicated. And the victim of infidelity would need to give it an honest effort to not see cheater in every new partner that comes along.

I also think that people who have cheated in the past, thought about cheating, or came close to cheating are generally more insecure about being cheated on than the average person who does not have these feelings or past. When you know how easy it could be, you wonder how easy it could be for them. If you have cheated and know that you can still look yourself in the mirror the next day and sleep in your bed next to your mate at night with nearly no consequence but a slightly cracked vision of yourself... you realize how easy it can be.

Clearly, I am no expert on the issue. Nor am I a therapist of any kind. But from my own experiences and understanding, these are my 2 cents. And that's all they are likely worth.

I hope all you out there are never on either side of infidelity.

Look me in the eye!

I'm currently reading a memoir written by John Elder Robison. It's titled Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's.

I am only a a bit into the book and already some of what was written hits close to home... at least in the sense that it's perfectly logical.

Early in the book, he exclaims that he was constantly told he was being bad because he wouldn't look people in the eye's while they spoke, or while he spoke to them. This is sometimes true of myself. Not necessarily because I can't or feel uncomfortable doing so, but because it's easier not to. His explanation was completely logical and true (at least for me). He explains that looking someone in the eye is creepy in and of it self, but more so, when speaking it's important to concentrate on your thoughts and the words you are about to express. It's far easier to do so when you aren't staring someone in the eye.

I notice that when I'm talking to someone and telling a story, I tend to gaze off into the distance. I'm not necessarily looking at anything. Instead I keep my focus blurred so that I can look into my own thoughts to conjure up the correct words to describe my thoughts. I don't think this makes me autistic... however I thought they way this autistic person struggled with it and chose to explain it fit really well. I sometimes notice the person I'm talking to turn around and try to see what I'm staring out. I'm generally not staring or looking at anything... so they see nothing. I suppose it's rude, but it helps me concentrate.

Another thing that he explained that was painfully insightful was how adults treat children. As a child he had social issues. He didn't read cues whether they be verbal or facial expression. Instead he said what he was thinking. If I said, "look at my toy truck" he may respond with, "I like dogs." He explained that through interacting with other children and starting to see patterns of their responses was the only way for him to realize his mistake. Adults were partly to blame and this is why. When he was talking with adults and would continue to change the subject saying whatever thoughts ran through his mind, they would play along. They'd humor him. He never knew his social interaction was odd or even rude. Children are who reacted properly to his random words and therefore taught him another basic social interaction... speaking!

And lastly, his facial expressions were not always appropriate when in certain situations. He walked into a room over hearing a friend of his mother's say that someone died in a car crash and that it was very sad. He immediately smiled and was reprimanded for such a sociopathic and act. He felt bad and said he was sorry, but only to appease his mother and this friend. He explained that his mind felt happiness and grateful because it was not he who perished in a car crash, nor was it his brother, parents or any other loved one. So he felt glad that he and his loved ones were safe, therefore smiling at this revelation. He didn't feel sadness for the boy who died because he didn't know them. He recognized intellectually that it was a sad occurrence, but he didn't FEEL sad. He went further to explain that it doesn't make sense to him that people can feel sorry or sad or devastated over the deaths of strangers. He wonders how much of it is true feeling and how much is a cry for attention. He wonders how much of it is a reaction to fit in a mold of reactions we expect. I can almost relate to this. I rarely truly feel anything for people I don't know. I am likely to feel more for a fictional character in a book I became well acquainted with over pages of descriptive words than a 4 paragraph news article discussing the death of hundreds in a terrorist bombing or plane crash.

Needless to say, I don't associate myself with Asperger's or any other form of Autism. I do however, recognize the logic of this man's words. I am glad I'll have a nice plane ride to read more and when I'm done I will be picking up his brother's memoir: Running With Scissors A Memoir by Augusten Burroughs who was born Christopher Richter Robison... who his brother called Snort till he was 3 and then Vermint till he was an adult. Much like Amanda and Kyle will remain Troll and Twirp to me for a lifetime.

This girl was brilliant!

I read a blog on wedding bee today and it struck me as genius!

My invitations need to be ordered, but we are pretty sure we know what we are getting. We've decided on the wording. We've decided on the times. We've decided on the quantity and the extras. We are going as basic as possible.

We aren't having them print the addresses. We aren't having them line the envelopes. basic. basic. basic.

In the end, who would really notice?

But I was trying to think of ideas of how to address the envelopes. Short of printing them on clear labels, I didn't really know what I'd do.

This woman printed the addresses directly on the envelopes and then went over them with gold/silver pen. It seems brilliant. But lets face it... its brilliant anyway. If I can print the addresses on the envelopes directly - with a nice font, who needs to trace them. I' can probably be happy with that!

So lets hope that works!

I'm an idiot...

Yesterday, I ran out of work without bringing my cell phone. My cell is the only phone I have... no house phone for me.

Once I got home, I noticed we had no cable (TV or internet) but thought nothing of it. A few hours later, I thought to call Time Warner, but I couldn't find my phone. That's when it dawned on me that my phone must be sitting on my desk at work. I'm such an idiot!

Yes, I've done this pretty often.

At around 9:30, I decided I needed a means to contact Paul so he wouldn't worry that I hadn't called, answered any calls from him, emailed or anything. So I began my walk, keys in hand and a pocket filled with $2 in quarters to the payphone. 4 payphones later, I finally found one that worked... but of course on my walk to payphone #2 the drizzle became downpour and I was soaked... no bra, no wallet, no phone... I must have looked like a crack whore looking for a score.

In the end, I told Paul he couldn't berate my absent mind because you have to admit, few women would treck out in the rain only to place a dirty infected phone to her ear to ensure you slept well at night instead of worrying sick about my whereabouts. I don't know if he agrees... but that's how I am trying to see it.

Groom in Sambas?

I came across two photography blogs with pictures of weddings where the groom and groomsmen all wore black adidas samba soccer shoes. I thought it was brilliant. I, however, don't think Paul will like the idea. I must admit that he is a bit of a fashionista at times. Definitely a failed one at times, but generally he is more obsessesd with shoes than myself.





pictures from here and here

What's the difference between:

Thought Questions: What's the difference between settling for things and accepting the way things are?

This definitely made me think. Not just did I think about the question itself but I thought about some friends and family who seem to not only settle often but also are in denial of it. Worse yet, it made me think of some friends and family who will never accept the way things are. And yes, there is a difference, but I don't know how easily it can be explained.

There are things I've accepted. I wouldn't say that they are simply things out of my control to change. I know that I can change almost anything - even if that change is only slight. The very breath I take affects the world I place my feet on, and therefore everything being residing within it as well. Yet, I accept things. Sometimes, the benefit of accepting things are far greater than the effort and sacrifice required to change them.

But then... there is settling. I've settled in my life. I know I have. And sometimes I feel a pang of guilt, but then I look up, take a deep breath, and know that I can still change this. I also know that sometimes, I'd rather settle.

In the end, each and every one of us struggles to find a balance in which we can be happy. Nothing in this world will be perfect or to our satisfaction, but we must take solace in what can bring us peace. It's human nature to settle. It doesn't necessarily mean that there are situations where we shouldn't.

Is there an answer to the above question? I'm sure there is... can I answer it? Likely not.

Winter = Cold

Winter in Colorado = Snow... and lots of it... especially when you find yourself 9600 feet above sea level.

As such, it only makes sense to wear some cute winter garb on your wedding. I've already mentioned in an earlier post my fun Coach Juniper Boots that I nabbed from Marshall's for only $99! Now picture white gloves, faux fur stoles, capes & white coats.

Well that keeps me warm yet stylishly fun, but what about my bridesmaids. I don't want them freezing! So I thought ivory pashminas and ivory sweater knit boots like these or navy ugg style boots to match the dreeses like these! <-- update: yep I def just bought those navy boots for Lauren and Amanda! Woohoo!

Bridesmaids

My bridesmaids are few... my 2 sisters. They are the most important women in my life and it only makes sense to have them standing at my side when I utter the most important words of my life.

Shopping for dresses for them has not been an easy task. 1 sister is 27, slender, short, petite... tiny... teensy - get it? The other is 11 going on 21, a tween, yet full figured, young, tom boy meets pink fluff, she's an enigma, she's kinda like me.

A dress that looks good on one does not look good on the other. That's okay. I honestly don't need matching dresses.

Amanda chose this yesterday. It's cute on her and perfect... though she wants lapis over marine... do I oblige?

The dress Amanda chose in both Marine and Lapis. It's cute and fits her age. I found a matching shrug that looks adorable with it.
Lauren's 1st choice at the moment
A Dress I fell in love with but was not what Amanda liked best. Maybe Lauren will like it? It's so me, but I'm not the one to be wearing it.

Let them eat cake!

Wedding cake is something that came with my sister's venue. She was lucky. Now that I see cakes at a minimum are $5 per person, I have to wonder if cake is even worth it. Who pays $5 for a slice of cake that was sitting in the fridge for days before consumption. I suppose I will be paying this hefty price... why, because it's tradition. Because we'll be taking some cheesy pictures with it. Because everything with wedding in the description are a rip off. So on top of this hefty price, we are also charged a set up and take down fee of $50. Yey me!

Both these cakes were done by Katy of Sugar. She is a highly recommended and one of the only bakers to do wedding cakes in town. I like the idea of both cakes but I don't like the color of the snowflake cake. She recommends a 3 tier cake of all white and ivory. There would be snowflakes on the bottom and top tiers and mountain and tree piping on the center tier. I like it, but at $6 per person + $50 set up fee, I don't know if it's worth it. I know my cousin is a baker. I know it's lots of hard work, but lets face it... at the end of they day, it's a freaking cake! Made with eggs, and flour, and sugar, etc... it's not made of organic eggs and milk, it's not made of fillet mignon, it's not made of precious metals. Why is it so expensive?! That ends up being $350 for a cake... a cake.



I suppose in the end, one has no choice. This wedding is giving me sticker shock and I do not like it!

4th of July Weekend

Paul came home... it was his birthday... then the Argentina game [insert sad face here], then hot BBQs, then pool time.

Here are some of the few pics we took.

The line to get in - good thing we were early

Vamos Vamos Argentina!

NY1 & Univision were there

Mate outside while we wait

Blowing the vuvuzela

What happens when you get there late

Group pic

A dad & his son

Some BBQ pics: Volleyball, soccer, food, etc...

Yes those are nude girls on their cake

A sweaty pair

Morcilla & Chorizo mmmmmmm