30

Yep... I'm 30.  It's weird and creepy and kinda sad.  But that's okay. 

I was pretty bummed out about my birthday.  It fell on Memorial Day this year.  Our weekend was fully booked and none of it involved me....
Friday was a bachelor party Paul was invited to
Saturday-Sunday Paul's family came to town to visit and celebrate a belated mother's day
Sunday night - we had a wedding for Paul's buddy from undergrad
Monday - my birthday... we had nothing planned and Andy was in town.

I felt left out.  I felt unloved and underappreciated.  I felt shitty that I couldn't be with my friends and family.  I felt seriously sad.  And I had my period... so I felt doubly emotional.

But life goes on right?

Monday was okay... we went to the city to have some drinks by the water.  I think Andy may have had a different idea of what I wanted than what I did want.  I also think that Paul's lack of planning anything irked me to no end.  I turned 30.  It was a big deal.  If not to him... at least to me.  Doesn't he get that?  I guess not.  Even up till the very end I felt like I was short changed... again.  Really pizza?  Yeah, we watched TV at home and had pizza.  Because Pizza is a lot cheaper than staying in the city and continuing to celebrate.

I wasn't bored.  I could have spent all day basking in the beauty of the day with a beverage in my hand and some snacks.  But ... yeah we went home and had nasty MA take out pizza.  Ugh... pizza in MA makes me miss NY even more.

But alas - some people don't get to celebrate birthdays.  Some people don't get to eat any pizza.  So I should be grateful I suppose.  I'm just finding it really hard being grateful.

My family called... at least most of them.  Some sang happy birthday, some wished me a happy birthday, other's followed that up wtih whining about their jobs, their work outs, their responsibilties or the endless other things people like to complain about.  And some didn't call at all.  Yeah ... I noticed.  And I'm feeling the lack of love.  And I likely won't forget it. 

I decided that I'm allowed to complain once in a while too.... and I am chosing to complain about people.  I'm sick of the BS, I'm sick of the drama, I'm sick of the blame game and I'm sick of the self pity and excuses!  SICK OF IT!  If your life sucks... it's because you made it suck by the shitty decisions you made!  It's not your friends fault, your parents fault, your husbands fault, your jobs fault, your bosses fault, etc...!  NO IT'S YOUR FAULT!  Your life is the way it is because of the decisions YOU MADE!  And my life is the way it is because of the decisions I've made.  Now the only thing that will change that is to CHOOSE TO CHANGE IT!

So yeah... there you go - an entire birthday post dedicated to me complaining.  And you know what....

It's my birthday and I'll bitch and complain if I want to!