Good Morning Phone Calls

This morning I told Paul I thought that we were crazy to get married. We argued and immediately started joking around last night. But sometimes Paul irks me. He has the power to get under your skin without completing a sentence.


Conversation:

Lilia: Paul, I'm kinda worried about getting married. Maybe it's a mistake.

Paul: Why?

Lilia: Because you really annoy me sometimes.

Paul: You are just realizing this now!?

Lilia: It's just ... can I live with this forever?

Paul: Wicked laugh

Lilia: See I'm being serious! You are laughing your ... hahaha now we are getting married and I trapped you and will annoy you for all eternity laugh

Paul: mwhahahahahaha

Lillia: I give up

Yep that was our good morning conversation. Real healthy right? Paul does annoy me. Often. Repeatedly. He's horrible to be around when you need to just relax. He's pushy. He's dense. He has the art of annoyance down.

But I'm marrying him... for better or worse till death do us annoy each other to death

Wined Up

Last night my cousin and I went out for some wine and shared eats. It was nice. Peaceful. We could talk. We could talk about anything. It's why it's good to do that once in a while.

So what I've realized... people think Paul and I are kinda strange.

No, I don't sit at home missing him.
No, I don't talk to him on a regular basis while he's gone.
No, I don't ponder our future.
No, I don't mind our time apart.
No, a long distance engagement isn't too hard
No, planning a wedding apart isn't impossible
No, we aren't always great
Yes, we will be always fine!

I don't know if we are a model couple. The kind others should strive to be. We don't fit anyone's version of successful relationship, but we work. We found out that life is better when we are together (literally or not) than when we are apart. We found out that our days are brighter when we know the other has you on their mind. We found out that we'd sacrifice to create a better us (not to be confused with sacrificing yourself to make a better him/her).

Life-

It's not easy. It's not black. It's not white. It's not fast. It's not slow. It's not strait.

It is spontaneous. It is complex. It is hard. It is all gray, black, red, green and yellow. It is every changing. It is ever moving. It is connected with all and connected with nothing. It is mysterious.

It will never be understood.

It will be explored. Just like anything else. We will fall. We will fail. We will succeed. We will try... we will continue always to try.

I live my life... and Paul lives his. Sometimes we are living that life together. But when we are not... we are supporting each other in living our own lives. My life will always be my own... as his will always be his own... but sometimes... just sometimes... that life is joined and at those times... life seems near perfect. So the few times our lives can align... make living life apart worth it.

Maybe that's why it works?

Dear Snowboarding,

Dear Snowboarding,

You were never a true part of my life. I was in HS. I was a skier. I was a poor skier. I was bored. I had a skater boyfriend. He took me to the hill. We tried it together. I sucked. I gave up. I was still a skier.

Years past and I decided it was time for new skis. Off to the local shop and a few sales products shown and I had a new set up. Excited I'd work my 6 day week, party Saturday night and drive up Sunday morning to get a day in. It was dedication... but it was lonely.

Then Paul said I should try you out. I said I would. A hand me down Rossignol with Ride bindings and hand me down Salomon boots which were too big. I had calf bite. I had heel lift. I had cramps. I had bruises. I failed! Then I bought my own boots... grabbed my hand me down set up and was linking turns. You changed my life! You helped me see what pushing myself physically was all about after letting me go into a state of hibernation since soccer ended.

Snowboarding, you give me hope that my back pain won't stop me. You give me freedom from all things natural. To fly fast down conditions that are sometimes forced is beyond my reason. To travel so high up peaks and ridges that I can see for 100s of miles is a beauty I'd have never seen. To sweat while surrounded by frozeness, is a feeling unknown to many. To meet individuals who have nothing in common but you as a singular passion has become my blessing. You are my savior from a life I was losing at. You've given me what I've been looking for. You've brought me and Paul closer together. You've changed my life.

Thank you, Snowboarding for making me a better person. Thank you for helping me appreciate nature, life, humans, ability, snow, physical strength and mental stamina. Thank you snowboarding, for being something my family and I can do together. Thank you for letting them love you. Thank you for being our common ground!

But snowboarding, can you please price adjust yourself just a little bit. I sacrifice a lot to be able to make you my world but people I love cannot have that luxury.

Snowboarding... never leave me. I love you!

Crocheting

So I started crocheting ... my grandma tried to teach Lauren and I years ago as did my mom but I had no patience... well that changed.

I started making beanie hats... and I love doing it.. unfortunately it's almost spring and hats will be boxed and stored till next year, but still... I like it. It's relaxing and they are coming out great. People keep asking for them!

So far I made:
Paul - Red + White fitted
Raquel - Multi colored Floppy Beanie
Cara - 1 Red and 1 White toddler beanie
Edwin - Black Fitted
Andy - Green Fitted
M.Y. - Red and White fitted with fold / floppy
Lauren - Tan barret
Raquel - Purple and Blue barret

and I have many more to go.

I wonder if I can pull of mittens!

Breakfast with Papa

Yeah, exactly what it sounds like... I slept at M.Y.'s again on Saturday night. I woke up a little late ... showered, through some laundry in the wash, hopped in my car, picked up some breakfast and parked my car at the cemetery. I grabbed my trusty blanked out of my trunk, threw it next to papa's head stone and parked while I munched on my bagel and drank my coffee, talking to my grandpa.

At 1st I was talking out loud, but then fearing the crazy coming on, I just kind of thought out my words. It was nice... a little birthday chat, a little morning conversation, a little peace and alone time to feel what I've been feeling... a sense of emptiness since his death. I know he's not far away... but it takes some convincing when you think back to the days I was able to physically have him by my side.

Thanks for my morning company yesterday, Pa! I really appreciate it.

And thanks, God, for my uninterrupted Papa time. I was able to sit there in peace with not a soul walking by to bother me... not a soul walking by to judge me, and not a family member or loved one coming through whom I'd need to share him with.

Papa, I miss you!

Riding Log: 25 (Catamount, MA/NY)

So Kareen is going through some stuff. She's trying to find her self and in that is trying to do things she's long since put to the back of her mind (like snowboarding). She asked me when we could go out riding ... it's almost the end of the season (at least locally) and the snow is already starting to melt. I figured it was now or never... so I told her we should go this weekend. She agreed.

I asked some other siblings/cousins if they'd be interested in a learning day. A day of noobs. I day for all those trying to get one foot into the shred door a last hurrah before the season will officially come to a close. I only got a yes from Jomel, which was fine by me.

We got off to a late start. It was okay... expected on noob days. I stayed at M.Y.'s house which was great. I love my old room... even miss it. She has upgraded my room since I moved out... wow that bed is comfortable. No wonder she waited till I loved out to upgrade.

Anyway so we were west bound when my mom called and asked us to change route north east so the kids could ride with us at 3PM ... so we did. Lift tickets were bought, Kat's rentals in hand and we were headed to the hill! The conditions were spring... wet, slush, hard, variable... what you'd expect on a hot sunny afternoon. Kareen was having some trouble but I was glad she was doing it. When you are starting out it's hard... the hardest part is getting over fear. Everyone has it... and people don't tend to trust...

• they don't trust the people coming down behind them not to hit them
• they don't trust what you are telling them to do is right
• they don't trust that their bodies can do what their mind wants
• and they dont trust themselves... as a whole to get it done right

Once you do though... its fluid. It feels right. It's graceful. It's fast. It's really ... beautiful.

So yeah... she tried... and she's getting there... but trust... she has a ways to go.

Jomel and I headed off on our own and did a bunch of laps... just going fast and exploring whats there to explore. I had my ipod running some chill beats in one ear and the sound of snow in the other... Wind blowing through my vents cooling me off, white clean soft wet snow, trees, nature, lifts, minimum people on "hard" runs, good company, excitement to see my siblings, fun...

Jomel and I attempted our switch... I'm getting a lot better at it. I can actually do a whole green run switch now. Granted sometimes I wait too long to switch edges and have to kind of start again... buts till... progression. We practiced our tail presses... did some nose press to butt slides... and even some 180s which were more like 90s to ass plants. Still fun... still learning... still progression =)~

Jomel ended up taking a wicked fall on his hip bone and was sledded down... and eventually ambulanced to the ER. No damage. Thankfully!

The kids came... we rode while my mom attended to Jo at the ER. Kyle and Amanda hit up some mogul runs with me following behind. Amanda did really well while kyle used the moguls as his own personal jump series... he landed almost all of them each time. K & A were worried about Jomel... and asked to call it a day and head to the hospital. The conditions were changing... icing over... I obliged.

We found Kat in the bar drowning out her pain with a little alcohol. A few hard spills can do that to you. Jomel and my mom got back and we were home bound... some grub... a horrid grueling ride home and I was in bed... ready for sleep.

"The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come."
~James Whitcomb Riley

Happy Birthday, Papa!

Papa passed away... a year and a half ago. It's still fresh. It's still sad. It still sucks.
But today is his birthday...
and I won't dwell on him not being here...
I'm just happy that he was here...
that he raised me...
that he was my father when I had none...
I would be a far worse person without him....

Happy Birthday, Papa! Thank you for everything you've done for me. May God bless you, take care of you, and allow you to rest in peace. We love and miss you down here. You will never be forgotten.