Scared...

Maybe. I won't lie. I'm a little scared... a little nervous.

A few years ago, I found a lump under my arm. It was there for years and I told no one. I guess I thought it was nothing. But then it started getting larger. I showed it to my Mom one day expecting her to say it was nothing... instead she freaked out and yelled at me. "Why hadn't I said anything sooner? Why hadn't I gone to the doctor's office?" Who knows... because I didn't think twice about it.

Eventually I saw my GP and he sent me to the oncologist. I was a bit nervous, but the oncologist assured me that it wasn't cancerous and just a sebaceous cyst. Gross right? A sebaceous cyst is a closed sac under the skin filled with a cheese-like or oily material. The assistant told me that if it ruptures, it smells really really bad. The oncologist wanted to surgically remove it and I let him a week later. I was there alone. I drove myself. I told very few people. And I had that nasty little sucker cut out of me... and I bled for days even with my stitches.

So a few years later I did it again. I saw this white mark on my lip. It has been there since spring. It wasn't going away and if anything, it's gotten bigger. I thought nothing of it... but one day I was annoyed by it and showed Paul. Usually he'd say... I don't see it. Or that's nothing. Instead he said, you should go to the doctor.

You'd think that would be motivation enough... instead I needed to think only that it would grow to unusual proportions before my wedding and I'd look like herpes face! I made an appointment with my overpriced midtown Manhattan dermatologist and .... well that was this morning.

She could see it right away. I guess it wasn't as small and inconspicuous as I thought. She told me she'd have to perform a biopsy... I hate biopsies. First of all, they hurt. Second of all, you don't get immediate results. Third of all, while you are waiting for results... you area thinking all sorts of worse case scenarios. I didn't help by going online yesterday looking up pictures of mouth herpes, lip cancer, etc...

Anyway... she gave me an injection of a local anesthetic which didn't hurt too bad... and then she took a knife and sliced a thin layer off my lip. After putting some antiseptic on it, she placed an obnoxious band-aid on and told me to leave it there for at least 1 hour... because it was bleeding. She also gave me quite a bit of gauze because she said depending on how I move my mouth it may continue to bleed throughout the next day or two. Just great.

And out of all days... I run into 2 full elevators, have people coming and going to my office (a usually empty space) and have a fire drill.

I look like a herpes infected patient. I look scary and contagious. No one should have to see me like this!

Anyway... hopefully it's nothing, but I suppose if it is... I have my wedding and Paul to thank for convincing me to get it checked out. I'll have to wait at least a week for the results... why can't things be on Lilia time? I want my results fast and immediate!