Venting

Without going into specifics - these last two weeks can easily be considered one of the worse of my year. Between a friends death and conflict in my relationship, I find myself lost and unmotivated. I'm finding myself falling into a rut I had long ago climbed out of.

My motivation to do anything is so non-existent it's left papers on the floor hallway, folded laundry on the couch, junk not put away and dirty dishes in the sink. When I get home... I don't want to deal with it, but just change my clothes and toss them on the bed frame, get under the covers and go to bed... and that's basically all I've done in 2 weeks. I'm ashamed to say it... but I'm a mess.

I looked around my livingroom and thought... omg someone will call that hoarder show on me... but I realize, I'm not a hoarder, I'm just a mess... a very big mess.

I started the gym and somehow I gained weight... and not the good muscle kind.

I have so much in my head and none of it is good... stupid people... why do they betray you and leave you lost. It sucks.