Friday, November 6, 2009

What lengths do you go for happiness?

Maybe this will sound crazy...

I feel like I need to be far away from the people I love in order to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but feel hopelessly enslaved by that love I feel. The unending sacrifices and unending depression that comes along with being related to my family is sometimes too much to bear. I know inside that no matter what I try, nothing will help these people. Misery is something they create for themselves. I will be sacrificing my own shot of happiness in order to fail at making other's happy. I know that I'll miss my family. For so long they've been my world. I think they will be okay... they will grow.

I need to be my own pillar of support rather than being everyone else's. But I don't have the heart to do it... I think there is only one way. I really think my will is weak in this regard and my only chance at persevering in finding my own life is to move far enough that they cannot rely on me and I can rely on myself.

I'm grateful that Paul is not just willing but looking forward to a move. I'll feel at ease next year once we have an idea of where we are going.

I pray for:
the Seattle area
the Portland area
the Denver area
the Vancouver area
I wouldn't even mind Vermont, New Hampshire & Maine - I pray that it works out.

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