Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Funny Momment

So wedding planning is in full effect... sorta. Thoughts are being passed around. I kinda want my sister around to discuss before I do anything rash. I'm excited. Now that her wedding has come and gone ... a total success, I know it can be my turn. I don't know why, but I felt it necessary to wait to do all planning till her big day was through. Why steal her thunder?

Anyway, Paul and I have a few things narrowed down... like a general date, location, and type of reception. It's just a matter of booking it all.

Today my mom and I were talking about weddings ... it all started when I asked her to scratch the crochet table cloth she wants to make us. I told her I want this instead!
I am seriously obsessed with this vintage stole. Unfortunately it was found at a thrift store. Who knows if I can find a similar pattern. All my digging today has left me empty.

I also managed to explain to my mom it's not okay for her to try and pick out my wedding dress, yet she insisted on sending me a few hundred photos online. I didn't like any. But then she had me laughing. I opened up a few links and they were all to Latter Day Brides. My mom was finding me modern wear dresses for LDS weddings. Why you ask... because THEY HAVE SLEVES! I told her I'd love a dress with sleeves. She didn't even realize.

Now I have nothing against LDS but, I'm not, nor am I THAT modest. I do want sleeves though. I was actually impressed with one dress, but I think it might have shoulder pads - which is NOT OK.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Texting XXOO's

6:28PM Paul -> Lilia Miss you, love you can't stop thinking about you
6:36PM Lilia -> Paul Me too. Tomorrow!
10:30PM Lilia -> Paul You are awesome in an annoying sort of way.
10:48PM Paul -> Lilia Yea? You are awesome in an awesome kinda way
10:51PM Lilia -> Paul Yes!!!
10:54PM Paul -> Lilia Fo Sho!

smiling... because he rocks!

Can it be true? Fall!

This morning was officially the 1st day this September that I put on a blazer to keep warm and actually needed it!

But I don't know how long it will last. It was in the low 60's this morning but is expected to reach a high of 70.

Tonight I'm heading north to Cambridge, MA. It's about time I visited my Pauly-face. He's been living in Cambridge for about 5 weeks now and I still haven't made the trip up. I know I know, bad fiancé. But to my defense he's been home a lot for my sister's wedding festivities.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a nice crisp 60 degrees in Cambridge... but sunny. I'm looking forward to it.

There is something about the fall that I just cannot get over. It reminds me of soccer, of school, of new beginnings (which is odd since most things are coming to their end). There is something about the smell that makes me happy. I love it!

Sunday it will warm up again and rain ... hopefully driving conditions aren't too bad.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Destination Winter Wedding?

cold. snow. intimate. dim. candles. purple. blacks. whites. elegance. family. warmth.

Picture taken from

Monday, September 21, 2009

Lauren's Wedding

Went by way too quickly, but it was a complete and utter success. Limited drama and lots of fun. My only complaint is that it's over.

There is way too much that happened and way too much to say, so instead I won't say a thing... and just let you look at how beautiful my sister looked!

It was their day - no doubt about that!

I like to think that's Papa's glow walking with her down the aisle

Bryan ... dapper no?

Husband & Wife

Walking away as 1

1st dance: Cheek to Cheek

"I wanna grow old with you" - Adam Sandler

There are obviously more photos... of the bridal party and guests... but this post is about Lauren & Bryan and I'd like to keep it that way.

I love you little sister... more than you will ever know... even now... that your last name rhymes with Panini!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I should read that novel... by Joseph Heller... what do you think?

Anyway, I always prided myself on how I carry myself in my current relationship with Paul. I rarely have outbursts whether it be of jealousy, anger, or irrational (he may disagree), I do not play mind games, and I've communicated more and more rationally than I ever have in a relationship before. In prior serious relationships I couldn't say I practiced the calmness I practice now.

With John Paul, likely my 1st love and best friend, I acted like an unstable psychopath. While he tried to put up with me, he soon gave up. I would keep my mouth quiet while he did something I didn't like or felt was disrespectful, only to blow up in his face at a later date. I expected to be able to monopolize all his time, as if I was the only one who mattered. I would hint at what I'd want from him without being strait only to be disappointed when he didn't get it. I definitely didn't help that relationship grow, instead it flourished and began to flower, fruit and seed, but like all flowers, it began to wither and die.

With Paul, I took a different approach. Having undergone the heartbreak of losing John Paul, I walked into the Paul relationship (less than a year later) with very little expectation. I'd thought of it as fun... talking to him late into the night. He'd shamelessly flirt and bring up the happiness that was left in his memories of our past (because honestly I remembered little). It was flattering and uplifting. It was like the drug I had needed to get out of my lonely rut. Mind you - all of this was occurring long distance while Paul was in Atlanta, GA and I was in Queens, NY. As our relationship took on a more tangible form, we realized we really do care for each other more than just for ending the months of loneliness we both felt after losing our significant others.

Paul's 1st trip home to NY in February 2005 to visit me after not seeing each other since 1998. And it snowed like crazy the 2nd day he was there... we were meant to love the snow in the winters!

With this new understanding regarding our relationship, I decided it was time to act like a mature girlfriend and talk openly about everything from my past, my feelings, my expectations, and my needs. For the most part it's worked. There have been times where honesty was maybe too much to handle, but in the end we really both thrive when we are able to speak to one another openly. It doesn't mean we always agree, but at least we know where each other stand. I'm greatfull for this new translucent approach to our relationship. Because of this we have been able to survive 2 1/2 years of long distance split between 6 months of Paul in Atlanta, GA, 1 1/2 years in Dearborn, MI & 6 months in Louisville, KY, all the while I stayed in Queens, NY.

While living together in NY, we discovered that we weren't as compatible as we though. We live differently, and it was hard to fall into place, especially in our very small Manhattan apartment. My Grandfather's illness and death seemed to bring us further apart than closer together. We both dealt with grief in different ways, but after a few weeks, I discovered that I rather go though these happy and sad events in life butting heads with him than alone. It was around this time that I moved back in with him from staying with my Grandma into a larger apartment closer to my family in Queens, NY. What a change it made. We had space to breath and found our way to fit like a jigsaw puzzle while living together.

Unfortunately that was short lived, because only after 1 year, Paul was moving to Cambridge, MA with his acceptance letter to MIT Sloan. I'm proud of him... but that adds another 2 years to our lives being long distance. That isn't something anyone would be looking forward to. So here finally at the end is where I get into why it's a catch-22.

Our entire 4 1/2+ years together, I've been communicative and honest about my needs. Well one of my needs lately for surviving this 2 year stint apart was to bring back some of the old Lil & Paul. The mushy side... what we call mush ball. It makes you feel good on those lonely nights when the bed feels too big and too cold. I needed a little added romance - a little extra verbal love to hold me over till his next visit home. Instead I got a very formal Paul... one who would only talk about his day and when I would bring up anything remotely involving our relationship he'd make jokes and couldn't keep it serious for 1 second. Last night I decided to bring this up saying, "I don't get you. When I am content and say nothing you are all over me, covering me with hugs and kisses and saying the sweetest things ever - being romantic, but when I tell you I need you to be a little mushy and romantic and that I'm sad and feeling a bit lonely, you become cold and not even remotely romantic. Whats up with that?" His response is priceless...

"Well I don't want to be romantic because you tell me to be, I want to do it all on my own, so if I all of a sudden act all mushy and romantic now, it would seem like I'm doing it just because you told me to."

So despite his being non-romantic, I can almost sort of understand his reasoning... in any event, it did make me giggle a bit before bed.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Music is a very powerful thing. Think about it... in H.S. many of us defined ourselves best on the music we listened too. The Nirvana, Alice in Chains, grunge crowd. The hip hop table. The pop music Whitestone gals. Yeah, we listened to a little bit of everything, but you were still defined somehow through the music you listened do.

Now as adults, it's still completely powerful. You are still judged based on what's escaping the speakers of your computer. People still grab at your ipod to check out your playlist. My boss enters my office hearing Pearl Jam and asks with disappointment and disapproval, "what are you listening to?" He is the pop music type.

Music is special for me. I've never been one to listen to what's in or what's popular... I'm usually off beat and never know the words while at a club or hanging out with my girls in the car, but what I do know are the songs that touch my soul. There are a good handful of songs floating around the air that can pierce through my chest and make me feel 100 different emotions I've been keeping buried deep down inside. I'm greateful for that release. None of these songs are well known, many are even buried deep down in the bowels of one hit wonders, but they are precious to me.

Music is my release...

Monday, September 14, 2009

WIP Wednesday

WIP - work in progress Wednesday is something I've seen on many people's blogs, so why not put up one of mine.

I bought this fabric that I love, that my cousins hate, in order to sew couch pillow covers. I looked up some patterns online, but in the end I just wung it. My fabric was cut crooked, my stitching wasn't perfect, and I cut one flap in the back too short, and sewed on an extra piece to make it work, but hey, it's the back so who will see it! So here is my adventures with pillowcase #1. I need to make a 2nd, but it probably won't turn out the same size knowing me!

you can click the picture for a closer and larger view

Saturday, September 12, 2009

All Natural Beauty

Today I went to the natural market near my home. There were a few things I needed like bread and lettuce, but I also needed some beauty products that I'd recently run out of.

I've been using Olivella Olive Oil Soap on my face and body for a few weeks now and I see no negative effects. My face feels clean and I don't get any spontaneous breakouts. I also use Dr. Bronners baby mild organic bar soap (unscented) to both clean my hands and diva cup. I decided to take my natural beauty routine a bit further. Today I made a oatmeal facial scrub to use once a day to help keep my skin healthy and clean.

Oatmeal is a great exfoliant, moisturizer, itch fighter, and cleanser. Basicfally your skin loves oatmeal as much as your tummy. I bought some organic oats from the bulk bin at my local natural market, costing me only 99 cents. I got this Almond Oatmeal Facial Scrub online. It calls for 1/4 cup oats, 1/4 cup almonds, 1 TBS corn starch, & 1 TBS chamomile - I had all on hand except for the corn starch so I just left it out. Chamomile flowers are great to have on hand - it makes delicious tea. I eyeballed it, never one to measure, threw it in my food processor and it was done. I poured it into a washed and dried recycled salsa jar (which I decorated) and threw it on my sink. To use it, you take a teaspoon and mix it with warm water. It produces this white milky liquid. You rub it on your face and rinse with warm water (you can leave it on like a mask as well). Other recipes call for just oatmeal, water and honey. I can always add honey to this mixture, but I think I like it as is... less fuss.

2 Other additions I've added to my natural beauty arsenal are Dr. Bronner Products. I've been battling dry scalp and dandruff for quite some time. I've gone to a Dermotologist who perscribed me several perscription shampoos and oils, but it just didn't seem right. Even after using them, my scalp still itched and my hair smelled medicated. I decided to try the Dr. Bronner's Tea Tree Liquid Soap in my hair. Tea Tree Oils are known for their healing properties as well as their usefullness in fighting dermititis. And since my hair is so long and conditioning necessary, I also purchased Dr. Bronner's Lavener Hair Conditioner & Style Cream. I haven't started this new hair regiment yet, but as soon as I do, I'll be sure to update with results.

My next step is facial cream.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Estranged... sorta

No matter how badly someone has disappointed you in the past, it is still hard to find out they are sick.

I have an estranged father of sorts. He is not completely a stranger I suppose. At one point in my life he was fairly involved... picking me and my sister up and having weekend sleepovers at his house. But while I was still young he simply disappeared - for YEARS. It wasn't until I was eleven going to visit my grandparents that I saw him again. He walked out of the back room of his parents house with a woman in tow and grabbed hold of each of us squeezing very hard. It was a surreal experience. We had to gather our thoughts and rethink who this man even was. Our minds seemed to connect the dots, but slowly. We smiled and continued the charade we would live for the next ten years of our lives.

It turns out he found a woman he wanted to marry and thus needed to reappear to finally sign the divorce papers my mother's been trying to get signed for years. They met at a support group for those who were sexually abused. He is also a recovering addict. He has been successful in his sobriety, but he trades one vice for another.

My sister and I tried to maintain a father daughter relationship as much as possible. We would travel to MD and visit them. We would make an effort, but we were never sure what we were opening ourselves up to. He would never call, remember a birthday, send a letter or go out of his way, but when you were in his presence, he was charming, forgivable, lovable, thoughtful, a father. As I grew older our relationship shifted and he become more of a peer, but the effort was never shown. I believe my step-mother pushed him to contact us and keep in touch. After they themselves had 2 children, their marriage began to dissolve and without her or my siblings to keep us latched together, our relationship with our father began to dissipate as well. He soon met another woman who had 3 kids of her own. Not the most stable woman, fighting to leave her abusive husband and running directly into my fathers arms. She was young, uneducated, and a mess. Her children have grown to resemble her in some ways... weak, judgmental, and uneducated. They are small town red necks... and this they may even admit to. For a while I tried, but soon realized there was nothing left of what I thought my father was and his new family was too unstable to communicate with and be a part of.

It was easy to walk away. Without my phone calls or planning visits, our relationship simply began to disappear. He didn't go out of his way after all. Once my grandpa passed away and he carried on like a child, and I retaliated like a bitch, I decided I'd never go back there again. And I didn't - for a long time, until passing his exit with Paul on I-95 on our way up from Atlanta I decided I'd try and find their house and introduce him. It was May 27th - the day before my birthday. I did find the house (memory is funny like that - a house still being built but not yet lived in) and he was home. He didn't act happy to see me but did offer to stay the weekend. When I reminded him that my birthday was tomorrow and I had to get back to NY to celebrate it, he seemed to just shrug. He didn't even wish me a Happy Birthday. That was in 2005 - we are now closing the year 2009. My grandfather passed away quite some time ago now... It has easily been 6 years. And life is more stable and happy without him.

Until my mother's father passed away last summer (the only father I've ever really known) and less than a month after his passing, I received a phone call that my father suffered a massive stroke that should have killed him. It didn't kill him - it left him blind in his left eye, with very little use of his left arm, slurred speech, and only partial use of his left leg. He can walk again, but awkward. He can use his hand, but not quite right. Despite his ability to move, he cannot control his movements. His brain is not sending signals properly and they expected vigorous therapy was in order. But soon after he suffered multiple other smaller strokes. Not one killed him (probably to the doctors surprise). He became frustrated and violent with his new disability. And with poor insurance, doctors weren't looking very hard to fix him. They eventually concluded it was a deformity in his heart which was there from birth but went unnoticed. After surgery all was to be well.

His recovery was slow and frustrating, and stories spoken by his wife were that he was not trying, he was frustrated, and would at times get violent, hitting the dogs and destroying the phone because he could not figure anything out. Her solution was to leave him. From what I understand, he didn't last long in the house alone (with her daughter and her boyfriend but without her) and decided his life wasn't worth living, but instead of ending it, he drove himself (a dangerous act) to the hospital and told them he was thinking of suicide and that they had to admit him and help him. He was later discharged into a 1/2way house at the church. That was the last I heard of my father. This was the last I heard and this was months ago.

Today I received an email that he is back in the hospital - the doctors have asked him to go to the ER anytime he feels he has a headache. During the last few tests, they found he has a tear in his corroded artery - whatever this tear is, it didn't kill him (which I still don't understand). They cannot perform surgery on him because he might die during surgery with a massive stroke. I found this out this morning... and have re-thought every step of his condition, progress, and lack there-of.

Now when I tell you this has been going on for 1 year and I haven't driven to MD once to see him, would you think I was a devil? I called him after the 1st stroke, but I didn't intend to. I called the nurse desk to find out his condition, and they transfered me so I could speak to his wife. She filled me in in her cryptic way and passed the phone to my father. I was not prepared to speak to him. He was understandable, but his speech was unorganized and slurred. I thought I'd go see him, but every time I tried, I'd break down and discover I just couldn't do it.

Now one year later, I find that I'm colder about it. I honestly don't think I intend to visit him. I ask myself, "If he dies, will you feel guilty and regret it?" and I don't know if I would. I wonder if he does, if I'd attend the funeral - and I don't know if it would be proper. I honestly don't know what this man is to me, but he isn't really my family.

I feel ashamed of what people might think of me - and that makes me feel guilty. How can someone else judge me without walking in my shoes and growing from my childhood.

Sometimes it's better to be cut off completely. Completely estranged. I don't need to know about his health, mental or otherwise. I don't need to know about his lifestyle, however perfect or corrupt. But he is only SORTA estranged. Just like he tried to be SORTA a dad.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

AHHHHHHHH Depression Sucks

What sucks the most is not knowing why you feel like this.

Grr - today is definitely better than yesterday, but still a struggle.

You have to wonder - why this happens in the 1st place.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Today is...

a strange day indeed.

I'm definitely not myself...

or this is the 1st time I've been myself in a long time (lets hope not).

A Confession:

I suppose my blog is for me and not for anyone who reads it, but I've left myself guarded at times while writing - editing my thoughts as I type. Knowing friends, family & strangers maybe privy to my innermost thoughts can be unnerving - Yet isn't that it's purpose? I've tried to keep a diary of sorts... or to just jot down my thoughts when I'd think it'd help - usually stopping 1/2 way through, already bored with myself.

Yet this isn't my confession - maybe today I will delve deeper into myself and vent... not about my family, friends, or work - but about myself.

I have been thoughtful lately, about my feelings and the events in my life that trigger each one. I'm easily anxious - as a college student, I was prescribed medicine to counter this - paired with anti-depressants, which the doctor hoped would not just cure my anxiety & bouts of depression, but which would possibly help contain my IBS (related to high stress levels). Who would have thought that a teen could be under so much pressure? I shared this cocktail (paired with my back medicine) with my best friend who in turned shook his head and begged me to stop. He pleaded with me to not taking any medication - particularly the mood altering ones. Eventually I listened. I suppose I still owe him a thank you for that. Can you believe after leaving each other's lives more than 5 years ago, he still floats in my mind as a friend. Strange.

Today I can say that I'm medicine free (maybe a Tylenol or Pamprin once in a while), however, I'm still not free of the anxiety and sudden changes in mood. Small thinks make my heart flutter, my face pale, my breathing shallow, and my mind swirling. The anxiety is much more than emotional or mental but completely physical - almost debilitating. It many times takes all my strength to not scream... and many times I do (poor Paul). The depression, thankfully, occurs less frequent. Many times it takes me thinking of circumstances I cannot help for it to develop. Generally speaking, it is usually concerning family, loss, fights, etc... I think feeling depression due to these things is normal. What isn't normal is how quickly I am reminded of these depressing things... and how quickly a happy moment can be turned murky by my negative thoughts. It's something I am trying to work on - but how do you control those unwanted thoughts and images from escaping your subconscious and materializing in front of your minds eye?

I am maybe unusually cold and averse to showing signs of emotion. My mother thinks its strange that I can only say I love you without feeling unless speaking to a small child. I do not gush over many emotions unless it is the emotions revolving around anger (management... ha). Aside from devastating loss (my grandpa), I remain pretty mechanical. But I have to admit, it is a huge front. Inside I am whirling with 100 million feelings including love and compassion. When I'm alone I think of how much I love people, I cry, I feel with every hair growing out of every follicle. I just don't feel comfortable sharing. Except...

With Paul it's a bit different. I can say I love you - with emotion. I can hug, and cuddle, and smile... I feel like I can open up in front of him. I suppose it allows it to be different for me, yet I can't exactly understand what he does that allows it to be so. But I'd lie if I said I was never disappointed.

Like many women, I can be a hopeless romantic - waiting to be lifted off my feet by my price charming. To be treated like a princess - to be treated like the only living thing in this world that matters. But when you rationally think of these things - you have to be crazy to expect that - you are NOT the only thing that matters... this is not the movies or a novel. This is the real world and being loved unconditionally does not mean you have to be treated like a damsel in distress by a man you could have only dreamed about being good enough to glance at from across the room. That is for movies... especially teen ones! Let's face it... half of them are young, silly, overly emotional - and probably broke up before college! --> it doesnt stop you from envisioning you in her place though does it?

So there are some of my confessions - nothing too revealing, but I little bit more than I've shared before. Saying it - with words - typed up for all to see makes it a little more solid... it makes my heart beat just a little faster, anxious, but I'm glad I'm sharing... maybe in doing so I can more understand myself... and understand why I feel what I feel when I feel it.

Missing Paul makes me more anxious than depressed... he's gone now. When he's here, I get anxious knowing my routine is broken. I need to find a balance... and I will, eventually.

Life is like this I suppose... for us all, some of us maybe can just control it better.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Last Day of Summer Fridays

An unusually colorful photo from the main lift at Hunter Mountain, NY 2008

Today is our last day of Summer Fridays - leaving work at 3PM has been great! The summer is officially leaving us with shorter days and cooler nights.

I love the fall - Autumn is my favorite season. The smells remind me of soccer, the colors remind me of a family that got along, the sounds make me smile, and I love the comfortable temperature.

This fall, I hope to go on a camping trip - something where I'm surrounded by changing leaves, good friends, good beer, and fun conversation.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

A Note on Greenwashing

I got this from - please read for full article (by clicking on picture) to increase understanding though plainly obvious

Greenwashing is becoming all too popular and it isn't well regulated. Packaging and marketing laws were last updated before sustainability was really a question. Beware of false advertising. Please read labels carefully. And always always always do a little research. There are a few labels that you however can rely on:
Energy Star - backed by the US Environmental Protection Agency & US Department of Energy
Fair Trade Certified -
Independent nonprofit serving as US rep. of the Fairtrade Labeling Organization International, a global network
FSC Certified - backed by the Forest Stewardship Council, an independent international organization dedicated to forest management
Green Seal - an independent nonprofit organization based in Washington D.C., that tests and evaluates green products
USDA Organic - backed by the US Department of Agriculture

So don't forget to look for these green myths:
  1. When appliances/electronics are off, they don't use power- remember they use standby power. They need to be unplugged or a surge pmust be used and that must be turned off.
  2. Energy conservation = energy efficiency: FALSE. Energy conservation is an activity where one choses to use less energy (turn off your lights when leaving the room) and energy efficiency is a technology that requires less energy to carry out the same task.
  3. Eating organic is better = yes it's true, it's seemingly healthier (no hormones, peticides, etc... and they are grown using sustainable and regenerative farming methods), but you need to read labels and pay attention to FOOD MILES or the distance your food has traveled from farm to store. Shipping = use of petroleum. So buy local and if you can locally grown organic - try the farmers market.
  4. You have to do it all = remember there are many shades of green and every shade counts!
  5. Being green means I recycle = yes, recycling and upcycling are great ways to reduce landfill contribution but many recycled goods still end up in landfills. Don't just dispose of smarter, but purchase smarter. Do you really need individually wrapped goodies, water and soda? Can you buy in bulk and store in reusable containers? Remember, you need to change how you think when you buy, not just when you throw away.
  6. If it says natural, it's good for you = Currently there is no regulation on the term "natural" in cosmetic lines.
  7. Bamboo is green = it's true that it's a more sustainable wood, but it's not always green. It can be though. Bamboo demand is actually causing some companies to do the extreme - cut down natural forests to plant bamboo! Choice of supplier is important. It is not yet regulated. Currently, if it was between bamboo and locally cut FSC certified maple - some would say the maple is the environmentally better choice.
  8. Remember it's not always what you buy, but how it was manufactured, transported, and it's ingredients. Calling something organic, natural or eco-friendly means nothing. Do that adequate research. All I've written is up for debate, but I've read a lot and I feel comfortable saying it.
And don't forget the little things that make a big difference:
  1. Wash dishes and laundry in cold water (yes they still get clean)
  2. Buy products and foods local & organic when possible and always try and avoid products with excess packaging
  3. Bring your own grocery bags (paper or plastic... doesn't matter, they are both bad)
  4. Recycle based on your townships sanitation laws (NYC recycle #'s 1 & 2)
  5. Upcycling what you can (take out containers, cereal bags, tins, etc...)
  6. Buy used at thrift stores and craigslist
  7. Don't buy harsh cleaning materials - use a vinegar water solution (and baking soda)
  8. Buy healthy beauty products - organic, local, natural & healthy! It's not just what you put in your body but also what is on your body
  9. Homemade is always better
  10. Try and make your own toners, face wash, masks, etc...
Anyway if anyone has any other ideas or comments - leave them!

(I considered writing numerous blogs ... for personal use, green notes, wedding stuff, but I wouldn't be able to keep up, so use my labels!)

TMI ALERT: The Diva Cup Update

So I am dead center in my 2nd menstrual cycle with the Diva Cup and all I can really say is - I will never go back!

The 1st day (Tuesday) wasn't so bad. I put it in and went about my day, but I noticed that after only my morning routine and commute, I had some leakage. I was really worried that I made a mistake putting it in. So at work, I took it out, emptied and reinserted. I leaked again! Basically the whole day I found myself leaking. To the point that on the commute to my mom's (significantly longer than my commute) left me walking funny, worried, and washing my panties when I got home. It was a disaster.

I tried to think of what I did wrong... I didn't turn it once it was in... maybe I wasn't making a good seal. I didn't always do it last time, but maybe that was my mistake. Also last time my cycle was 2 weeks late and very light... yes it was a big scare. But now I'm back to normal... and therefore, a lot heavier. It's as if I'm losing pints. So I need to empty a lot more than last time, which might have been the cause for leakage.

Wednesday (Day 2) proved to be more successful. I inserted in the shower, turned it easily, and was good to go. I emptied once at work and again twisted. No leaks. Before the gym, I did it again. I was VERY worried at the gym that I may leak, but after 1 1/2 hours of running, jumping jacks, weights, crutches, stretches, squats and lunges I had not one drop.

I washed and emptied before bed and again this AM- and so far so good.

It's been a WONDERFUL investment... and I'm helping the environment at the same time!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

a LONG week

This week has been dragging and it's only Wednesday. I am really hoping the rest of the week goes quickly. I feel so overwhelmed with things right now.

I want to spend time with Paul, Family & Friends
Go the the gym
Study for the exam
Be there for my sister
Try new things (sew, cross stitch, paint)
Get out side (camp, kayak, hike)

But I feel like I never have the time or energy. It depresses me. And makes me want to sleep.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Flights - booked!

Last night Paul booked our flights for Yampa Valley, Colorado. Steamboat here we come!

I cannot wait till snowboard season 2009-2010!