Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Family sometimes sucks. There is just no other way to describe it. My mother is unforgiving though she would never admit this. She holds a grudge and she holds it long no matter the external circumstances. You could be on your death bed and still, she may not forgive you for faults you may not have even done.
No one is perfect and no one fits into the molds of expectation we create for each individual who holds any significance to us… that being said, when they turn out squire where you thought they’d be round, we cannot fault them. It is NOT our place to judge them, or to influence them.
There are certain respects we demand from the people around us, particularly the people we’ve sacrificed for our entire lives, but its also easy to feel that you are owed these respects because of things you’ve done… while forgetting of all the things you’ve done wrong. With every good, there is a bad. With every thing we’ve done, we’ve overlooked something or someone else.
I hate that no one gets along… I hate that I absorb over and over again everyone’s angry words, tears, fitful sleeps, and so on and so forth, while remaining calm, solid, allowing myself to be their pillar. Whom can I let these emotions out on… for if I don’t I may implode.
The Sunday after Easter is the Feast of Divine Mercy. During the course of Jesus’ revelations to Saint Faustina on the Divine Mercy, he asked that a feast be dedicated to it… and it has been celebrated on the Sunday after Easter… also known as the 2nd Easter.
Whoever approaches the Fountain of Life on this day will be granted complete forgiveness of sins and punishment.
This Feast emerged from the very depths of My mercy, and it is confirmed in the vast depths of my tender mercies
I want to grant complete pardon to souls that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I was told not to go to a retailer like Sports Authority because they have cheap bikes which are poorly assembled but they are definitely more in my price range.
Do I spend the money and buy a $500 bike that I may or may not use to its full potential?
I don't know what to do...
Monday, March 23, 2009
I've realized that I have a real lack of summer hobbies. Many summer weekends are spent upstate at my mom's house... lounging in the backyard by the pool and eating bbq while hanging with the kids. Last summer, this didn't happen much. Maybe once or twice. My grandpa falling ill changed everything.
With this summer thus far drama free I'd like to start to explore some summer activities and hobbies. I love the outdoors - even on the cooler days of spring and fall so I've come up with a few...
While it is still mild out, I'd like to start riding my bike, weather that be on mountain biking trails in upstate new york, dune trails in long island, or forest park right by my house.
I've also been looking up some research on taking Kayaking lessons. Paul mentioned it and I think it would be a great adventure. Despite its timid look, its actually a dangerous and strenuous sport requiring some instruction and training (hence the lessons). I found a few places for lake, river, flat and ocean... I'm very interested and cannot wait to start this. Maybe one day you'll see my little old Malibu with a Kayak, Bike & snowboard rack on its roof!
Camping I've talked about in excess... I want to go on at least 2 trips... one is already booked and ready to go. I'd prefer 3 though. One with my family, one with my friends, and one with Paul.
Repelling... Jerry goes repelling and mountain climbing and I am intrigued. He said he'd take me to try it. I'm probably going to ask to try it at an indoor wall 1st. Apparently all I need is a harness and he will take care of the rest. I am very very excited for this.
All this on top of beach days, hikes upstate and weekend warrior road trips, will lead to an amazing summer... and I never thought I'd say this, but I cannot wait for it to begin. I'll miss you, snowboarding, but I'll be riding hard again next year.
When practicing his ABC's with my Mom... after his Pre-school teachers recommendation (who Kyle says is HOT!) ... My mom asks the following:
Mom: "What does this start with (pointing to the apple)"
Mom: "What does this start with (pointing to the balloon)"
etc etc etc....
They discussed doing 3 letters a day... but Kyle did not want to stop...
So my mom asked:
Mom: "What starts with the letter D?"
Kyle: "DUH!!!! starts with D, DUH!"
Friday, March 20, 2009
Yesterday I booked a camping trip that I will be doing with my family. I'm really excited. It will be the kids, my mom and Paul. I want Lauren and Bryan to come but we shall see how the next few weeks play out between her head injury and her and my mom's drama.
We will be staying at a campsite that's lake side.... only a short walk from the beach and boat rental area. It has miles and miles of hiking trails and mountain biking trails. I cannot wait to hit some of these up. We can fish in the lake or streams... catch and release only I believe. And we are going to do a "non-white" water rafting trip... what my mom refers to as a "wet-water" rafting trip.
I'm really excited - I cannot wait to go. I wish it was NOW - if it was warm that is.
I still want to go on a "bigger" person trip with my friends... or even with just Paul. I guess we shall see what unfolds.
Today I met my mom and the kids for lunch since they were in the city... that was fun... it allowed me to procrastinate. Now there is only 1 more hour left of work - woohoo!
This weekend I'll be with some family ... can't go wrong with that.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
In any event, after a VERY hard fall in Colorado, I bought my helmet... and I've worn it pretty much every day snowboarding since.
This past weekend I fell... bad. I caught my nose, flipped in the air, landed on my head, bounced in the air again and landed full force onto my hip. I flopped there for about 5 minutes before I could get up. My hip was the true injury... I think I literally smashed my muscle into oblivion.
Once I finally got down the mountain I inspected my body and a few bruises and hip replacement later (I kid... however my hip STILL hurts), I noticed a sizable bump on my left side of my head. Mind you, I was wearing my helmet and wearing it properly. I managed to get a bump on my head (headache and all) THROUGH my helmet. Had I not have been wearing my helmet... that lovely dent on my helmet would have been my skull!
Once upon a time I thought you couldn't get hurt on the bunny slope... even on the easier trails... and even on the hard ones if you were going slow enough. Then I saw Natasha Richardson's tragic accident on the news. She may be brain dead from an accident that left no bump, no bruise, no blood. What a freak accident. Maybe she had something wrong with her before the incident, who knows. But I am now preaching that a helmet is your best friend on the mountain or during any extreme sport! Buy one! Where one!
Think about it, beginners, do you know how out of control you are on a board/skis... you are clueless... cannot stop on a dime, cannot turn well.... neither can anyone else. It is like giving a bunch of 4 year olds keys to your cars and directions to the GCP... even if you aren't wreckless... someone else may be. So maybe you won't hit that tree, or that 2 year old child... but can you guarantee that dude behind you isn't going to fly into your and pummel you done the hill... or worse... have a uncontrolled snowboard/ski fly into your temple and literally split your head open? WEAR A HELMET! Its like a seatbelt... think of it as automatic.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Last time I checked I was not an Administrative Assistant ... I believe Admin's get paid more than me.
Monday, March 16, 2009
I told her that that explanation would be too rational.
At this she said "You're weird"... yes my mother calls me weird and she does this often. Can you blame her?
In the end she asks just one thing of me... no not buy beverages in glass bottles as I may severe an artery and bleed to death. I promise her to only buy drinks in plastic child proof containers.
At this she simply says "Good!"
I think when I stop by her house tonight, I will be greeted with an old sippy cup on the diningroom table.I really think this may be the bottles way of saying "FUCK YOU, you stabbed me because YOU'RE STUPID!"
Friday night we drove up (we= me, Paul and Andy) to Jerry's house upstate for some snowboarding. We didn't arrive till close to 1:30AM and forgetting to change the clocks proceeded to drink and talk and laugh. We played drunken Jenga and Things and came up with answers like Herpes, Herpes Vagina Head, Paul is a real Man, Lilia is a real Woman, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Penis, and Jesus. Now think of the questions....
We went to bed at 4AM thinking it was 3 and then woke up and proceeded to board the whole next day. [I did my 1st jump... no I didn't land it]. Anthony met us at 5ish Saturday where we began to drink away our night again. We payed Jenga and Kings for a 2nd time and threw in a couple of rounds of moose. By the time it was all said and done, we were in bed by 12AM. Not 4AM but still late considering the preceding events.
During this over heated night of sleep I dreamed that Paul was at a soccer game and I stayed home.... bored I decided to ride my bike (see Akash, I do physical activity in my dreams) to my grandma's house. On the way I got a flat and not able to find one gas station that had an air pump resorted to walking to my grandma's house carrying my flat and useless 2 wheeler. I knew physical activity was just NOT for me. Upon the walk I run into Paul not dressed in his soccer garb but as if for a night out on the town. After asking what happened, he proceeded to tell me his game was canceled so he is going out to have drinks with them. Having received no phone call, I was a bit pissed and again picked up my useless bike and treaded on to my grandma's house. I then woke up to Paul saying it was 9AM... at which I responded... Why didn't you call me? Why are you such an asshole? You suck? Mind you... this was a DREAM! Yes, this is why Paul loves me :)
Last night my dream placed us on a bus going to the airport and when trying to get off my snowboard locker was no where to be found. I didn't forget it at the mountain, I didn't leave it on the road, it was just GONE. I yelled and I cried and I blamed Paul who was the last one to touch it. I freaked out saying that my 2 boards, boots, helmet, and snowboard cloths are ALL in there. I jumped back on the bus to search everywhere ... and the stupid bus driver started to drive away. I shrieked at the top of my lungs until he stopped... finally opening the doors and causing me to have to trek it back to my terminal. I woke up at this point... only to look at Paul and say... "I lost my snowboard."
Why can I never find the line between dreams and reality during those 1st moments of being awake?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Either I'm going to shit chick peas or I'll never shit again.
1: People do not get up for ANYTHING/ANYONE. It does not matter if you are old, pregnant, crippled, carrying an infant, most NYers are assholes and will sit their 25-35 year old asses down and PRETEND not to see you or worse, stare at you struggling while they relax and use you as their entertainment. 2 Mornings ago a woman taking her young child to school while carrying a small infant in one of those nifty child carrying back packs entered a late and overcrowded F train. There was 1 seat available and I stepped aside so she/her daughter could sit. She had her daughter sit and she stood carrying her infant and not one person got up. I believe that all these people will be damned to hell.
2: People, especially overweight people will squeeze into any imaginable space possible. Now that the F trains are old E trains with an orange F on the front, the seats are less bucket and more bench like. I've seen all sorts of squeezing, excuse me's and full on sitting on laps so that miss I Weight 300 lbs can sit instead of sweating her ass off as she sways left and right as the train lurks forward. Please understand, Fat Lady, that if you are unable to support your weight on a stationary surface, don't expect it on a subway. And more importantly, STOP EATING!
3: Some people will FIGHT you to get on the train 1st. A somewhat overweight black woman w days ago nearly threw me out of the way as the doors opened so she could RUN in and squeeze her fat ass into a middle seat. Seriously? WTF! I don't care if you wish to sit, but please don't pile drive me in the process. People like that will also be running, blocking, and pouncing their way strait into the coffin... which will soon lead them to the front of the line before the doors of hell!
4: White men like to talk to strangers. After #3 happened, I stood and read my book which I felt was highly entertaining. I seat opened up near by but assuming the people standing before it would sit, I didn't make a move. When I noticed no one was jumping at the opportunity I began my approach but saw a blond woman scoop the seat up in record time. She was also seeing if no one would sit. At this the white gentlemen standing in my way said "You'll have to move faster than that." To which I responded, "I'm young and healthy and completely capable of standing. If someone needs the seat more, I'd gladly give it up." Why I had to explain myself, I do not know. I really hate standing on the subway. Partially because I get car sick, partially because I'm lazy, and partially because its easier to read while you are sitting. But really, I do not need to sit and if I see someone in need of a seat even if they appear young and healthy, I do not mind giving that seat up. But I will not get up for 65 year old women in stiletto heels. For some reason I feel like their punishment for wearing short skirts and stilettos while being skinner than me is standing on the F train.
5: Teenagers believe that once in a subway car, their friends can no longer hear at a normal volume. Therefore they speak in tones used to address a screaming crowd of kindergarteners at the auditorium at the school for the hearing impaired. I do not understand why the whole subway car needs to know who Julissa is sleeping with, or what John said at lunch but you know what, we all know now!
6: People love to race at the front of the line to get into the door, so that they can stand there and block the way of others and maintain their standing position at the door. There are door leaners and I'm okay with that, but seriously, you do NOT need to be the 1st one on the train and when people are trying to get off the train, MOVE!
7: Men love to stare at the pretty girl. Lets face it, some of these girls love that attention, but sometimes the creepy dude staring at you no matter where you move to and make you begin to fear your life. You look behind your shoulder repeatedly while existing the car and again 3 more times as you walk to your home, ready to call 911 at creepy dude's appearance. I don't care if someone gets a look... I mean if someone is beautiful they should be gazed upon... GAZE. QUICKLY. DO. NOT. STARE!
8: Why must men but sometimes even women sit as though they are in the middle of labor. Why must your legs be spread apart as if you have elephantiasis? This is even more annoying what it is coming from a woman.
9: Leaning sleepers. I'm sorry but it irks me when you fall asleep next to me and then begin to invade my space because you begin to shift and lean in my direction. DO.NOT.DO.IT!
10: People love to do what should be done in their bathroom on the train! This is almost exclusively meant for women. Why must you file your nails, clip your nails, pluck your eyebrows and do your make up on the train? Does your home not have a light? Please do not do this in my presence anymore. You are ugly, your hands are ugly, and you smell... go home and fix yourself there. If you cannot go to work without makeup and do not have the time to apply this in the home, get it tatooed onto your face.
11: Stinky Food eaters please eat your stinky food in your own home and not on the NYC subway. Enough. Said.
I am sure there is much much more but these are the one's which come to mind.
I used to have Myspace (Crackspace/MS) and decided it was time to delete. I did so because I had friends on there who were NOT my friends, I had been through drama due to who was on my top 8, and misunderstood due to pictures I had put up or messages I left. I actually had a friend accuse me of choosing to hang out with my "other friends" instead of her... and she knew this because pictures were posted and I was in them. What psychos! Needless to say, aforementioned friend is no longer my friend because of her psycho jealous tendencies. And lets not even get into the stalking.
That being said, I joined the wonderful world of FB. It was a lot more quiet. You had a few pictures, you wrote on walls, and you were all college students or graduates, but then shit hit the fan. FB became Crackspace in a matter of months. That marked the collapse of FB love for me. It was exciting for a time... satisfying my MS addition, but all addictive things must come to an end one day. And that was today for me. No more fake friends, no more catching up with people I could care less about, and no more incriminating pictures that could be seen by my friends, family, and co-workers.
Through my years on FB I've racked up friends from: HS, College, Work, Family, Snowboard acquaintances, estranged family, enemies, even friends of co-workers, family, or enemies. WTF!?!
So today upon hitting the lovely DEACTIVATE button I was faced with many questions... all of which had an answer to try to convince me to keep FB. It was like trying to unsubscribe to HBO, they will offer you a discount, Cinamax for free, even beg you to keep it, but in the end all you want them to do is SHUT. IT. OFF. (can be compared to ending your cell phone service as well).
Upon clicking something that basically said just deactivate I was answered with a message that stated: "Remember, you can reactivate at any time by logging in with your email and password, although you must have access to your current login email address. Also note that your admin status in any groups or events will not be automatically restored after activation." Followed by an Opt Out of Email option which said: "Note: Even after you deactivate, your friends can still invite you to events, tag you in photos, or ask you to join groups. If you opt out, you will NOT receive these email invitations and notifications from your friends."
Did I just sell my soul to the Devil? So even if I deactivate, I am still technically ON FACEBOOK! THIS IS BULLSHIT! It's like HAHAHAHA, you signed up and NOW YOU CANNOT BE LET GO!
So you know what Facebook, FUCK YOU!!!!
Fearing that I just put my life on display forever, I went ahead and deleted every album I've ever uploaded onto FB, every picture, and every personal identifying factor (employer, school, location, etc...) I then blocked all "Friends" from being able to view tagged photos and tagged information. Basically my profile is now almost like a black slate... unfortunately I couldn't figure out how to block everything, but good enough. At this point, I'd like to deactivate but am unsure what difference this will make if people can still tag me in photos, invite me to events, and who knows what else.
STUPID FACEBOOK, I HATE YOU!!!!
In this aspect, Myspace, you are awesome because I can make you go away!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
HA, stupid Aquafina bottle, now you have a hole! Then it hissed and spit at me. Mother fucker! this means WAR!
I repeatedly stabbed said bottle with the tac until there was a reasonable entry point. I then stabbed it with my scissor and we had SUCCESS!!!!
At that I emptied that mofo into my HBO water container. Because I believe it is now unsuitable for human consumption, I will use it to fee my plants.
Paul and I are a normal couple. We have good moments and we have bad. We support. embrace. fight. urge. encourage. stimulate. forgive. argue. accompany. listen. yell. communicate. cry. trust. kiss. excite. believe. need. judge. feel. love.
I think all listed above are normal and are encompassed in any healthy relationship. I think with all relationships the positive moments ebb and flow and in the gaps are filled with frustration, negative interaction, and questioning. I truly believe that this is okay as long as at the end of it, you know that you love and respect one another and can move forward from there.
Today the topic came up yet again: When will I learn Spanish. It is true, Spanish is a beautiful language filled with beautiful syllables and when spoken with love can sound like music to the ears. It is also true that I am terrible with languages and have a very hard time picking them up.
I want to learn some Spanish. I want this not to be able to know this language per say, but to be able to communicate even slightly to Paul's family in Argentina who speak little or no English at all. It is unfair of me to expect them to learn my language when it is I going to their country. Thus far we've all seemed to get by, especially those who try and communicate with me, but there are others who are either too embarrassed or frustrated to give it a shot.
In our 4 years together I've picked up a few words or phrases and understand a lot of conversations even if only the gist, however, it has thus far been a lost cause. Paul expressed that I need to learn Spanish because he wants our Children to speak Spanish. He also expressed that he thinks its bad that my siblings only speak English and not English and Tagalog. Who is he to judge?
He went further to express that without speaking the language one cannot really be immersed in their culture. To this I completely disagree. A language is definitely part of one's culture but I know many individuals who embrace their culture but all through a different tongue. The same can be said that without being in one's own country they cannot get the full benefit of the culture. Or without local home grown ingredients, a dish will not taste as authentic. Without being completely immersed in one's culture 100% there is always room for outside influences, but what makes that wrong?
He believes that our children will be unable to learn Spanish as a 2nd language unless I too make this a 2nd/3rd language and speak it regularly in the home. I understand that this is the easiest form of language learning, however, I've known 1st hand that this is not the only way. I learned Tagalog, not as a child, but as an adolescent, and though I can only speak conversationally and usually with poor grammar, I learned enough to get by. My sister at the age of 3 was tri-lingual. She spoke English, German, and Albanian. She even understood a little Tagalog. People thought this genius but really it was simple. My Mother spoke to her in English, her Father in German, and her Sitter in Albanian. She learned all 3 languages and spoke them well.
It does not take 2 people speaking a language constantly for it to be absorbed in the young minds of children. I'd be thrilled if our children could speak many languages, even if many of them they had no practical use for. I think its a beautiful gift and talent.
We ended up arguing about our Hypothetical Children. How ridiculous is this? We are not engaged, not married, and not anywhere close to planning for Children. And yet, we manage to go back and forth concerning these hypothetical, multi-racial, Keanu Reeves children we will have one day far off into the distant future. What is wrong with us.
Paul went so far as to speculate: "i think my family may see you not learning spanish as a sign that you are unwilling to immerse yourself in our family. which to an extent i think is true"
I think this statement is going to far. If in truth, his family thinks I am unwilling to join them as a family unit due to my disinterest in learning Spanish, they are both selfish and unrealistic. His parents both speak English well and we communicate clearly on a regular basis. His family in Argentina, on the other hand, speak no English and to communicate with them, I do need his help and must learn some more phrases. My small Spanish vocabulary, however, in no way impairs me from caring about these people and considering them my family.
Like most of my blogs, I must make you laugh so I will end this the way Paul and I ended our conversation concerning this topic.
Upon explaining the above to Paul he responded: "i didnt say it was a sign....i said i think that is how they may perseave it"
I then copied and pasted the aforementioned quote which clearly says "SIGN".
To this he responded: "i kno. but key words: "i think""
Lilia: "okay ... if I said I think you are a homo - would you be offended?"
Lilia: "I think my friends think you are a homo because of how you dress"
Paul: "I am trying to express what they thing. You are expressing an opinion" (I could have taken this anywhere I wanted but I held back)
Lilia: "and you are giving an opinion too. You are giving an opinion of what you believe their opinion is"
Paul: "Yes. You are a smart one you are. I think"
Lilia: "so despite that I am still entitled to defend or agree/disagree with you assessment. So don't test me or I'll get annoyed and then I'll hav to murder you."
Paul: "Not scared"
Lilia: "Fine I'll chop off your penis and feed it to a Spanish speaking parana"
Monday, March 9, 2009
So Paul indeed got into MIT Sloan School of Management and it is indeed bittersweet. It's a great school, ivy league all the way, it's prestigious, it's a great place for him to add onto the building blocks he's been piling on for his very successful future. I do believe that he will be and is already successful. However I'll miss him and it will be hard to do the long distance thing all over again.
Well he did it again - he was awarded the Dean's Fellowship which will cover 50% of his MBA tuition for the 2 years he will be there. I'm really happy and very proud of him.
So ... who woulda thought the man I always say has absolutely no common sense is a smarty pants ;)
Side note: If you are reading this, its because I like you. And if I like you, it means that when Paul does move to Cambridge come August, you will likely have to drink copious amounts of alcohol with me in order to morn his loss.
Friday, March 6, 2009
So for my birthday this year I want a very small birthday. Not to say that I want a birthday at all. I just want to use my birthday as an excuse to go camping. I haven’t gone in a really long time and I used to love to go camping. There are so many things that are great about it.
My birthday fortunately or unfortunately falls on Memorial Day Weekend every year. This is beneficial in the sense that NYC is empty and you get an extra day to celebrate but it is crappy in the sense that most people go away and all places summery are fully booked and over crowded.
I don’t care if we go on MDW or a weekend before or after, all I know is that I want to go.
The things I like about camping are:
Quiet – I love that I only have to hear what I want to hear. I can listen to nature and other people but in general there is no car traffic, TV noise, hustle and bustle. White noise is limited.
Peace – I like that I can do what I want when I want. I can sit in the nice weather and read a book. I can go for a walk. I can be one with nature.
Outdoors – I love all things outside. I love to go for hikes, bike rides, play sports, swim, explore… you name it I love it.
Food – okay so BBQ is my favorite – enough said. But think about the roasted corn and the SMORES!
Coziness – I love that the days are warm and the nights are cool. I love wearing my sweats and sitting by the fire at night sipping a beer and talking or just sitting in silence. I love the days filled with fun things to do.
I just want to go …
Yesterday I went to Hale & Hearty for some soup and grabbed a bottle of water… Aquafina®. Now I am not a big fan of bottled water (because it isn’t very green) but I have an even bigger problem with Aquafina® and Desani® waters. They aren’t even spring water. Basically it is filtered tap water. So basically it is no different than the water in your fridge sitting in your Brita except this water tastes like plastic. Anyway this is all they had and I just needed water.
Anyway … I got back up to my office and being unbelievably thirsty, I try and open my water. Now, I am by no means a female weight lifter, but I am no scrawny bitch either. I COULD NOT open this water bottle no matter how hard I tried. I used my hands, I tried my teeth, I tried using a napkin to buffer it. NOTHING!
I. Hate. Aquafina®.
After inspecting said bottle, I came to the conclusion that maybe the seal was fused onto my bottle cap. I then proceeded to take my scissors and hack it away. Finally after 2 small nicks on my palm, I removed said seal and twisted the cap with all my might. Still… no dice.
I then moved on to trying to destroy said bottle cap with aforementioned scissor. And that is when all hell broke lose. My scissor laughed at me mockingly as it slipped off the cap and slid across my right ring finger, slicing the tender flesh deep enough to cause both pain and disbelief. After staring at my wound for a second I grabbed a tissue and began to put pressure as to not bleed to death. I then remembered HBO providing us all with safety packs which contained antiseptic and Band-Aids®. Upon trying to open the backpack and obtain the first aid supplies I realized that there was drips of blood all over my desk … surrounding a pool of blood. You’d think I slit my wrists and was trying to end my dull HBO life. I was finally able to get at the supplies and firmly affixed the Band-Aid® to my still gushing wound.
Not just is bottled water bad for the environment, it is bad for your health.Epilogue:
This fucking water bottle is still sitting on my desk unopened!!!!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
There is a guy who works here... his name is Tony and he IS in fact an idiot.
He is the sort you'd think only exists in movies... he is THAT guy! The one who makes everyone laugh at his OWN expense. His self esteem is either very very high or irreparable. Once you meet him, you will know the answer to this. In fact we've all taken to laughing at his expense. I don't know what this is doing for his emotional stability but no one seems to really care.
He's that dude the trolls the hallways checking out ass. He's the dude that makes stupid comments in that monotone way only the seriously defected at birth can do.
He's the guy that will GRAB YOUR ASS... or maybe he's the guy that everyone will say grabbed your ass. But don't let them do it on work email... then he gets really mad.
He just walked it... damn it! He wanted cookies... code word for nookie... code word for ....
"She was smart, capable, professional, strong, and beautiful..."
at which I said aloud: "He must be talking about me"
The character continued: "She was liked by everyone..."
at which Paul responded: "He WAS talking about you until that line... no one likes you, Lil"
To which I then responded: "EVERYONE likes me, it's me that hates everyone else!"
yes... this is what we do
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Kyle gave up candy. He's 4... he said this and in the same day had chocolate. Does chocolate count as candy? Does caving on your sacrificial choosing count as a slip if you're 4?
I gave up my time as an uninformed Christian. For the 40 days of lent I have decided I will read scripture daily and thoughtfully in order to bring myself closer to God. I have chosen to join a reading program set up to read 6 days a week where the 4 books of the New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) will be read in entirety by Easter.
These 4 books which comprise the New Testament will be more than a refresher for me. I don't believe I've ever read them in totality. I don't think I've ever read them thoughtfully. I've spent many hours squinting over the Old Testament but have spent very little time getting to know my savior, Jesus Christ. Being that Lent is a solemn time spent before the Easter celebration following Jesus' crucifixion ... allowing him to die for MY sins... I think this is as good a time as any to get to know my hero.
I've began a bit late. I thought I'd read weekly but then found that reading daily would be more beneficial. As such I'm catching up 5 days worth of reading which I'd missed. I've started with Matthew and so far so good. I've paid close attention to the words but also I try and fill in the blanks. Anyone whose read the Bible knows that it is filled with gaps and inconsistencies. It leaves out much emotion and tends to tell a story without being vivid or descriptive. It is up to me to fill in the blanks and read the stories thoughtfully and appreciatively.
This neither makes me a good Catholic nor a moral person but by being more informed about what I claim to believe, I may be able to believe more whole heartedly.
I'm suffering from stress, worry and at times depression these days. Not because of any horrible events which came to pass but because my life is changing ... and at times out of my control. Both good and bad have come to pass in the recent months and maybe getting more in touch with my God will help me to cope.
It may also help me to grow as a person.
I hope you all have a fulfilling season of Lent. I hope that you all look at it as a time to not just sacrifice but to also appreciate.
I'm unhappy at the thought of many things yet very happy for Paul. Is it ok to be happy for him and sad for me?
The weekend was long and people were really friendly... whether it was because it was AdMIT weekend or they way they always are I don't know but it was definitely too much. The days were long but informative. And the weekend gave me insight into what my life will soon become.
It also opened new doors to allow me to see what I've been getting myself into for the last 4+ years... good and bad.
That being said, I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm at a loss for words but have no shortage of emotions.