Thursday, May 28, 2009
And I woke up in bed all alone. Paul had gotten up early wanting to make me breakfast but instead washed dishes from my marathon burger session the night before. He bought me breakfast near work and I thought he was on his way to his office. Instead about 1 hour later he surprised me in my office with a beautiful plant (flowers die).
Tonight he's taking me to one of our favorite steak houses ... and tomorrow we all go camping! YEY!
(The card read: "Birthday Advice: Just listen to your heart, that's what I do. Of Course, You'll be sorry just like me, but whatever."
And Paul wrote: "Lilia, Listen to your heart! Look what its gotten you so far! You only regret your decisions every other day! 50% aint bad! Love, Polito")
- What a jerk haha
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
wow - 27 - its old! Lets face it!
But 26 was a big year. So many horrible and wonderful things happened during my 26th year.
1) My Papa passed away... this was maybe the biggest thing that happened. It is clearly one of the most horrible things that have happened in my life. But now he is happy... happily resting and no longer suffering. He looks down on us and I'm sure it's in love but also in pity that we cannot be in the beautiful presence of God in heaven and that we still have to wait our turns. I miss him... he knows this.
2) We moved back to Queens. We moved to Kew Gardens... strengthening my relationship with my Sister and Grandmother, my relationship with Paul, our relationship with Paul's family, and finally our relationship with our Queens friends. It's also afforded us the luxury of living in a large apartment, cooking our own meals, having our car - yet still indulging the benefits of "city life".
3) I have watched and supported Amanda begin her age as a pre-teen. I can't quite explain how this is a good thing, because her growing up is quite sad... how the time has gone, yet it is a good thing. All of us MUST grow and she is growing into a magnificent young woman. I've very proud of her... despite her small 10 years, I look up to her.
4) I've watched Kyle turn 5... I've seen his spoiled tantrums and I've also seen his mature moments. I've seen how close Paul and he have gotten and I'm grateful. Despite his lack of a father figure - he has one... in Paul, in Bryan, and in all the positive Men he's had throughout his life... starting with our Papa.
5) We got engaged. Can you believe that?!?!
oh and the travel!!!
6) I had the chance to go to Whistler, BC and Punta Cana, DR! And that is only because I ran out of time. 27 will hold much more traveling in my agenda!
7) Paul got into MIT - SLOAN!!
I suppose thats it ....
OH AND BARCALONA JUST WON THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL!!!!
I will be going tonight with my cuz, Kareen to become a member. This excites me!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I can afford it... if I get approved... and I suppose its the right time with interest rates where they are.
Paul will be moving however... and quiting his job... soooooooo, It'd be on me.
But I could do it!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tomorrow I'm hoping to tackle some much needed camping shopping and pick up my dress for Lauren's wedding. Then maybe have a cuddle sesh with the boy... and dinner :)
Sunday-Monday... Mom's house which means... cleaning, playing, cooking, and opening the pool
My last weekend as a 26 year old. I'm getting so freaking OLD!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
I kind of just want to stay home. I want to relax. I want to have brunch in outdoor cafes and take walks in the park.
Paul wants to go out, drink heavily, and party like he's a frat boy in college. I suppose I can handle that for a night.
My mom wants me to come up to her house, help her open the pool. Nothing like manual labor to get your blood flowing.
So much for a relaxing birthday weekend.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
What I did? I don't know.
All I know is it hurts so today I went to the podiatrist who took X-rays and told me that its a joint issue, not a bone issue. He then proceeded to shoot me up with cortisone (IN MY JOINT). I thought this was supposed to help... ease the pain. But I am in more pain then before I went to see him. It's almost unbearable! UGH
Monday, May 18, 2009
I even broke the news to my mother after she began telling a few friends of our snowboard wedding ideas. She seems on board with the whole thing. My mom doesn't value the wedding celebrations the way most mother's do. She is much too practical... wanting us to save our money to buy a home... to support our snowboard and travel habits/obsessions, and to one day support our children. I'm glad she feels this way. Now we shall see what Paul's family thinks.
We've brainstormed some ideas and basically we've come up with this...
- A small church wedding... being married in the eyes of God... having our religious blessing is in fact important to us.
- Inviting our very very close family and friends only
- Dinner at a nice venue... maybe 5 courses of tasty bliss
- Home... home as a married couple... home as a unite of 1... home to celebrate each other.
Oh and the best part is that we won't have to wait till we saved up enough money after Paul's graduation, we won't have to wait for winter, we don't even have to have a theme, we can just do it... happily ever after.
Friday night was dinner amongst PwC friends. 11 course Chinese dinner in Flushing - full.of.food.
It was filled with bottles of red wine... 4 of them, 1 bottle of champagne, jelly fish, shrimp, crap, chicken, pork chops, rice, and more. I got 2nds, then 3rds, and soon after I lost count. It was filled with laughs, friends, spouses, jokes, and smiles. It was good to catch up. It was good to remember. It was good to forget. It was good to do it surrounded by food... it was good to eat surrounded by people. The kind table next to us, offered cake... delicious cake. We were all grateful.
Saturday morning consisted of soccer games... up early breakfast on the rode we headed up to Carmel. I watched proudly as Amanda played. As a newbie on the field, I was proud of her improvement and love for the sport. They still tend to play like bumble bees but in time... improvement.
While Amanda played Kyle and Paul went wild, running around, giggling, tackling, kicking... being boys. Kyle had missed Paul, not having seen him since Easter. He asks for him all the time. Paul's his buddy, a mentor, a future brother-in-law. Since getting close with Paul, Kyle's added to the list of things he wants to be when he grows up: Animal Saver (like Amanda), Snowboarder, & Engineer. I wonder where those last two came from.
Kyle's game was a disaster. Kyle was tired, cranky and overly excited for his birthday. He whined but got a few good plays in. He had a nice assist... which I don't think he did on purpose, but who cares.
We rushed home, got washed up, got our skates and headed to Fun Station. It's like Q-zar meets laces. It has a roller skating rink, a laser tag arena, and enough token games to make you broke. They started with Pizza, then ice cream cake, and after having had enough sugar, they got in line, got divided into teams and then began what most considered the funnest part of the party... Laser Tag. The BIG kids played too... Me, Paul, Bryan and Nicky. Kyle on the Green team with Bryan and Nicky... and a bunch of little friends and Me, Amanda, Paul, and a bunch of little people on the Red. Fun was had by all... big and littles alike. The Red team took the win in the 1st 1/2 and the Green in the 2nd.
Soon after, skates were put on and those who wanted to give it a go made there way around the oval listening to some old pop music. It was a scene from laces circa 1987. And of course the tokens were disbursed and chaos ensued. Bells ringing, tokens dropping, tickets printing, laughter ... lots of laughter.
It came to an end with sweaty, red faced, happy children being picked up by there grateful parents. A parents best gift is a tired child... especially when they are meant to be tired... at night.
After dinner at Chilis and some gift opening, Kyle and I did my most favorite of activities... DANCING like CRAZY people in the living room. Having asked for his very own radio (Kyle LOVES music), we played some songs and he sat and relaxed but soon realized some dancing was in order. Together we hopped around, boogied down, and giggled in circles... some songs inspired us to fly like airplanes while others inspired flailing arms and jitterbug legs. Its one of my most favorite Kyle and Lilia moments yet... and when Amanda and Lauren joined it... it was bliss. But Amanda... pre-pre-teen that she is... saw a camera approaching and ran away. Too bad for that self-conscious time between childhood and adulthood - a time some don't grow out of.
Sunday was tiring... It started with banana pancakes... my mom's specialty. Following that was camping packing, cleaning, lunch, shopping... and house cleaning. I cleaned and rearranged Kyle's room. He finally has a room he can call his own. I then did the same to Amanda's. Now the big feat will be if they sleep in them. You have to see Kyle's room... I EVEN WANT IT! It's great.
Next... my room! Maybe tonight... after a Monday manicure of course
Friday, May 15, 2009
Valla Nevado, Chili
We were thinking of a European vacation - then thought maybe doing a US West Coast road trip - then we thought of South America for some snowboarding. What to do what to do.
It will be our Engagemoon... and yes this term does exist outside my head... too bad, I thought I came up with it. Anyway, even before the proposal, we thought it would make sense to do a 1-2 week trip just the two of us... to experience each other wholly and soley before his big move to Bean-Town. Whatever we do, wherever we go, the most important thing is to indulge in one another until we are so sick of each other, we'd actually enjoy some time apart.
Paul showed little interest in helping plan our vacation, but made sure to comment often on my ideas. I gave up and stopped planning. After all, I cannot do all the work all the time. Then I mentioned snowboarding and it lit a fire under his ass and he began researching to excess. It was how a possible South America trip was born.
I'll be honest, I love to snowboard and I miss it tons, but going on another snowboard vacation, however exotic, however far away, even just the two of us leaves me worried. Lets face it - when we are on the mountain, Paul is less interested in me and more interested in riding. I cannot blame him... he has snow under his feet infinitely less than he has me laying in his bed. And its his passion... its something he is good at and loves wholeheartedly. For that, I say, if S.A. is where we go... yey at least he'll be happy. I'll be happy too... just happy alone much of the time. Maybe I'll skip some days and go to the spa and have a massage... maybe I'll ski in the mornings and go shopping in the afternoons. Either way, I better start that Rosetta Stone program or he'll have to stick with me 24/7.
Anyway - here we are ... him at home and me at work frantically looking up flights, car rentals, hotels, dates, options... so that we can compare and contrast and figure all this out... in the end he emails me about snowboard camp... something I could never go to... something he wants to do for his birthday. It makes me sad... he's more interested in snowboarding than what this trip is supposed to be.
We shall see where we end up this summer...
Old buildings, much culture, fishing town, good food, beaches
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I have not entered my Gym since November... because I'm an idiot!
What I've eaten since then:
Breakfast: Bagel with cream cheese
Lunch: Pasta with Sausage and veggies
Dinner: Fried empanadas and salad
Breakfast: granola & orange
Lunch: Indian BUFFET!
Dinner: Fried empanadas and salad
GREAT START, LILIA
Today is perfectly dreary to match my mood. Our dog is being put to sleep today... It just plain sucks.
He isn't himself... hardly playful, hardly happy, hardly eating. He went from 98lbs to 54lbs and the vet tells us it's time to say goodbye before he really begins to suffer.
Years ago... young, excited, pet-less... our Uncle Edwin took us to Northshore Animal Shelter where Lauren fell in love with a chow chow mix... it had a purple and pink tie-die tongue and it was love at 1st site. We went home and begged and begged but my grandma said... NO, no more pets!
An aunt convinced her to just go and take a look... I wasn't home, so Lauren, my grams and an aunt went and it didn't take much convincing... they came home with Grizzly (the chow chow was already adopted - yey for us).
Griz is an all black Labrador retriever. He looked like a teddy bear and thus was named Grizzly Bear. He was the love of everyone's life. He loves to swim, play, go upstate, run, and hang with people and other dogs. He thinks he's human, always wanting to sit upright in a chair. When he's sick, we've even fed him with a spoon... he is much to sophisticated to eat strait out of a bowl.
A Few years ago we found a fatty tumor on his side. He had surgery and it was removed. We were told it wasn't cancer and he'd be okay... but he wasn't. He has a softball sized tumor in his neck which threatens to block his air passage, throat, and the nerves that help him to move. The tumor has grown over the years and the doctors don't think its safe to operate. He has also developed other small tumors throughout his body. As it turns out, our Grizzly does have cancer after all.
Today my family will accompany him to a vet for him to be put to sleep. He will be cremated and placed in an urn, just like our precious Sheba before him. We love our pets like family, and treat them as such.
Last night, Lauren, Edwin, Paul, Bryan and I all went to my grandma's to have our last moments with Grizzly. He was definitely not himself. He was tired, having trouble breathing, and irritated with his condition. He even smells sick. I've come to accept that it's time. I rather him die peacefully then suffer. Unlike humans, he is unable to complain, or tell us what he wants us to do. I hope we are making the right decision. I hope we are being humane. I hope we aren't killing a being who wants to live.
So today at 4PM my grandma, uncle and Lauren will all be with him and watch him take his last breath. A traumatizing event I'm sure.
He is the dog who loved to bury himself in snow so only his little black head would stick out.
He is the dog who would jump in any river no matter how strong the current or how deep.
He is the dog that acted like a small puppy during any thunderstorms, always scared, braking furniture looking for a hiding spot.
He is the dog who would sacrifice himself for his family... he is a good dog. We will miss him.
I pray that we are doing the right thing.
I pray that my family gets through this.
I pray that so soon after my grandpa's death, they can be okay.
And I pray that in heaven my grandpa will enjoy his companion he hasn't seen since August.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Then they changed their mind... man time can wait... I am not invited... and I have 12 hours to make a choice... do I stay or do I go?
After thinking it was not worth just going for a weekend ... and still taking 2 days off of work... just to travel and see nothing, I was awarded with aggravation and frustration from Paul. I have a feeling he just really wanted me there... but rather than say, "Lilia I know it doesn't make too much sense but just come because I really want you to be there and I want you to meet my family"... he said - "do what you want... we planned this, we are going, we invited you, if you come, come, if you don't dont" ... all while yelling.
I figured I'd opt out... it was a lot of money, 2 vacation days... and for the miniest of mini vacations (not to mention Paul's rudeness... turn off!).
We made up and after I drifted off into my comatose like sleep on the couch the following exchange happened:
Paul: Lilia, wake up!
Paul: Are you coming or not....
Lilia: Convince me
Paul: You can meet my family, we can go to the beach, relax, its a vacation\
Paul: Okay I'm booking
2 minutes later
Lilia: Why did you wake me up? Now the music in my head is off!
Mayaguez, Puerto Rico - is the town where Paul's Father grew up...
and where I'll be spending a weekend in June
I will finally meet his family there. It is supposed to be the 5th largest city in PR and home to the islands only zoo. It boasts west coast beaches and city life all in one.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
But soon Facebook became nothing more than a Myspace replacement... I realized that it too had to go. I've not missed either and have been ever happier without their updates, pictures, and "friends".
I went into all my old email addresses and deactivated all accounts. Why do I need 4 email addresses? Especially when the majority of emails are spam or forwards from used to be friends.
Today I began the last bit of the cleansing process... I went into my AIM/GTalk and began deleting people I don't talk to. I don't need to see their screenames or read their away messages... purge purge purge.
It's the theme for Spring... PURGE FOR ITS SPRING CLEANING TIME!
So I might be
1) How I can make it up to my mom or sister for missing their birthdays
2) What to expect there (I’ll be meeting
3) How to lose 15 lbs in 1 month
I must admit, I’m the smallest I’ve been in a while, but I need to get my ass into gear and look bathing suit small… at least close. I was in Punta Cana last month and I looked back at the pics… not so cute. Diet commencing NOW!
Strange how these last minute mini vacays work.
Yey for mini vacations.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
We were supposed to go to my friends house for dinner, but after some pretty emotional family drama unfolded, I was forced to cancel unable to predict my emotional stability. Paul was a bit disappointed because he wanted to attempt to make me a fancy dinner that night, but the Steve plans didn't allow it. Now there was no more dinner with Steve, but he hadn't had the time to prepare. Instead he promised to make me breakfast.
He set his alarm for 30 minutes earlier than I had to wake up, got in the kitchen before I was even in the shower to set himself up. He ended up making me eggs over easy, crescent rolls, turkey bacon, cheddar cheese and coffee. It was oh so delicious and such a sweet gesture. I'd take something like this over flowers and chocolates ANY day. He set up 2 TV trays to mimic a dining table in the living room and we sat and ate, chatted, laughed, it was great. My only regret is having to eat and leave... work called and I was already 15 minutes late.
It was just a great morning... I couldn't not write about it.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
4-5 Sam Adams later (yes, you heard it... even on a Mexican celebration, I don't drink Mexican beer...unless its Negra Modelo) I found myself tired and dreading the commute home. Needless to say I rested my tired head on Paul's shoulder and fell fast asleep on the subway ride home... only to have him wake me out of my groggy state at our stop. We walked home... and I walked strait into the kitchen... stuffing myself with the last slice of quiche (delicious by the way), Hummus and left over curry chicken...
This is exactly why I don't drink anymore... seriously was that really necessary after 4 tacos? Probably not.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
I've read a few blogs and spoken to a few friends about spring cleaning... of the home, mind, body, and soul.
Spring cleaning began Saturday morning. After dragging ourselves out of bed, we began the tedious clothing swap, where our winter goes into bins and our summer goes into drawers. Then much needed dusting and window cleaning commenced. It was a disaster with the pollen the last few days. My sills and glass tables were covered in a green powdery allergen that streaked when hit with an all natural window cleaning product.
It was then time to clean the body... a shower was very necessary.
So physical spring cleaning is the easy spring cleaning. It's the less tangible cleaning that becomes a challenge.
I've said it time and again, things are different. I'm different, my needs are different, my personality is different, and maybe I need things around me to be different. Maybe I need the people, the attitudes, the lifestyles, my life to be different. I need it to be more inline with who I am today, not who I was yesterday. Maybe I grew up or maybe I regressed... but its not the same. No one is to blame for this change... I like this change! I just feel like I can't relate to my past the way I once did. Old friends don't seem to make me feel comfortable, like I once did. I avoid them the way I avoid a food I don't like on a plate. My old habits don't make me feel happy, instead they make me feel sick and lonely. My old cloths, they are too big. My old house, it's too small. My old life... it's not me.
It makes me sad and depressed. I don't want to disappointed people, I don't want to let them down... but I constantly feel disappointed. Do you put these people & habits in a give away pile, just like while spring cleaning? Do you turn your back and walk away? Or do you try and salvage what you think might already be lost.
My Mom says, I grew up... and they just didn't yet. Maybe it's true... I've been hearing her say that to me since H.S. and lets face it... those friends from H.S. are no longer my friends. That's a good thing.
I'm lost and don't know what to do. It seems so simple but emotions make it so complicated. I don't even what to do this camping trip anymore for my birthday. I already feel it being a disaster. I don't want to spend my birthday stressed, annoyed, disappointed or aloof. Paul said to sleep on it for a few nights... but its sleep that is fitful because worry about this crap too much.
Friday, May 1, 2009
what you'll want right? I've been looking through dresses for quite sometime now... for my sister. While doing so, I came across some SIMPLE yet ELEGANT dresses. See some pictures below.
This DB gown is simple and beautiful... and affordable. The back is a little more detailed. I think it would be perfect.
This is from Kleinfields. It's a bit different but still simple. I love it.
Picture these simple white dresses paired with a pop of color... a la fabulous SHOES!
I'd love to wear a pair of emerald green or deep purple satin/silk peep toes... I'd LOVE it!
Yes, I want a green, purple and black themed wedding!!!
So I generally believe in Karma... I don't necessarily believe in its TRUE definition... which is that every thought, action & word spoken carries a certain energy into the universe. I mean I do believe that this is true, but I'm talking about whats is more commonly referred to as karma, a punishment for past actions.
Basically I think I'm a good F train rider. I get up for the elderly, pregnant and disabled. I even get up for children... even ones who are 12 and perfectly capable of standing. I try and be a good "neighbor" even if only for that temporary trip through the dirty tunnels under NYC.
In the early mornings, I generally get a seat. I do actually believe that a lot of the time this is due to my good train karma. I mean, believe what you may, but I do believe that good actions come back to you. Do unto others as you'd have done unto you. It all makes sense, right?
Well this morning, I was aggravated, nasty, said mean things, and left after a fight with Paul. I was sad, droopy, upset, frustrated, and spewing bad energy. The train platform was packed. The F train came and that was packed. I waited for the next one and everyone seemed to get a seat but me. At 71st and again at Roosevelt, a few sitting riders got up to exit and again I was not quick enough to find a place to park my angry, steaming, frustrated ass.
I ended up standing the whole ride... while cramping, tearing, and over thinking the wrong things I did all morning when it hit me. My energy, my karma, was dark, why should I sit... why would God allow me that small luxury? Why would he ruin someone else's perfectly happy mood on this wet Friday morning by seating me next to them"? Maybe all this time, my train karma thoughts were true.