Friday, January 30, 2009

Mother Nature Is Out to Get Me

My battle with Mother Nature is pretty simple… she’s been pissing me the fuck off!

I have many a bone to pick with her. Lets get started on global warming… I do my part. I take the MTA, buy organic when I can, recycle, I even plant things to increase the oxygen in my home! What do I get in return? I get icy winters that include almost no snow, I get nastily humid summers, I get nothing comfortable. I accepted this and decided it was time to snow chase again… and off my $1,700 went to a trip to Whistler, B.C. I’ve been reading the snow report every day for the past month – and what do I learn… that the normal 120inces that should have fallen have only amounted to 45…ouch. That they are grooming trails covered in gravel… yikes. That there has been virtually no snow! Com on Mother Nature, WHAT THE FUCK! Cut me some slack… I make the best of the east coast conditions every weekend… can’t I have just a little bit of Pow for my efforts next week? PLEASE?

We shall see? Maybe If I keep saying please she’ll cut me a break and close up the skies with nice white clouds releasing there giant snow crystals into the air.

My 2nd issue with Miss Thang is this: Why must a female menstruate every 28 days and why must that always occur doing my bigger snowboard trips (i.e. VT, Colorado, Whistler, etc…)? Why can’t we just let it hold out till after… or even maybe come before? No… okay how about it start a bit early or end a bit later so I don’t have it for my ENTIRE TRIP? Still No? Well here’s a big FUCK YOU!

So while you sit up there in the clouds orchestrating to be what I find a disastrous series of natural events here on earth right now, I’m SUFFERING. If we have any sisterly bond at all, please make one of the above happen… all I ask if for some snow… or maybe for the blood to flow a week late… maybe for it to end quickly. ANYTHING.

Oh wait I forgot to mention… Upstate NY and VT got DUMPED ON THIS WEEK… of course when I’m LEAVING to go to where its SUPPOSED to snow.

Ugh, Mother Nature, AKA bitch with a power trip, BITE ME!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Convo with Stringbean

My stringbean is a great friend who I met maybe by chance, maybe by fate. This isn’t the 1st blog dedicated to him. We’ve had 2 conversations recently that just reminded me how much I love him and treasure our friendship.

Last week he wrote me a simple IM “Hey, have you ever met anyone who doesn’t like you”.

That was kind of random… I answered yes – most people don’t like me anyway.

He responded with “If you have, they’re retarded”.

Those 2 simple sentences made me feel so good. I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend so innocently boost my self esteem so much. I thank him for that!

Then yesterday he wrote me that we must talk on gchat so much because google is sending him advertisements… and found this

How hilarious!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Our Dream Nuptuals

No, I’m not engaged, and no I’m not delusional. Paul and I have been together for 4 years… not too long but not too soon either. We’ve talked about weddings in excess. We even talked about January 2010. That all got put to the backburner when the reality struck that he was moving to Boston.

With Paul Cambridge bound, we decided it be best to wait till he was through with his MBA before taking the plunge. After all, I am not about to join him in Boston/Cambridge (I’d never survive the accents) and he wasn’t going to sacrifice his dream to stay home. And who would want to be long distance the 1st year and ½ of their married lives? Not I.

So here’s our story. Today upon sitting at my desk, I came to the realization that I have no work to do. It’s been a slow week and my boss yet again didn’t come in. He stayed home due to the weather… what a crock. I took this opportunity to look up weekend getaways and had a brilliant idea! Why not stay at the Stowehof Inn. After all I want to get married there – it is beautiful, brilliant, and picturesque and best yet, down the road from Stowe.

Alas a 3 night stay would run us approximately $1000. After spending $2000 on Whistler, I don’t think our budgets would allow for it. Paul had me check every weekend from now through March, but the price remained constant. We could afford to stay there, but not ski, or we could go and ski but not stay… what fun is that?

This brings me to my dream wedding… which has been fluttering in and out of my mind not just every time I strap on my snowboard with Paul and laugh the days away but also when I accompany my sister like a good Maid of Honor and help her pick out dresses and try on petticoats.

Our dream is for a Ski Chalet wedding. Through online searches, our 1st choice has become the Stowehof. Upon reading its website, we found that it was perfect. It was elegant; large enough to house our guests, in close proximity to the mountains, close to town, and had much to offer including a great menu and wine list.

I don’t want a large wedding filled with people who I hardly know dancing to music I don’t like, eating food I cannot stomach wearing cloths all too unflattering on their bodies. Instead I want a wedding that represents us… we want to invite our closest friends and family to enter OUR world and see what we are about. Snowboarding defines us in so many ways. Most of our budget goes towards the sport, our lives are dedicated to teaching our younger family members all about winter fun, we read magazines, do research, shit – we even have a shrine to our snowboards hanging on our wall. We LOVE the sport and we LOVE the sport together.

Our plan: Invite approx 35 people to witness our nuptials on a crisp cool Saturday afternoon which will be followed by cocktails and dinner. No dancing, no corny traditions, no silly speeches… just being together and being happy. Don’t get me wrong, I want my family dressed up … no black tie necessary… more like a cocktail attire. I think people would look great in something like this:

We don’t expect gifts from our friends and family – we understand that asking people to drive the 6 hours to Stowe and then to pay for accommodations can be burdensome.

We don’t want a true bridal party – I will have Lauren, Amanda and Kyle with me and Paul will have Andy – they will be less a wedding party and more the closest people to our hearts. We will have them by our side during our ceremony as we have them at our sides during life.

In leu of the usual party favor we’d offer our guests options which we would request RSVP in advance… we’d provide our guests with a lift ticket at Stowe for a Sunday on the slopes, or a spa gift certificate. For those who’d pass on both, we’d list other opportunities such as local shopping, movies, and of course to just relax in the inn being pampered with beverages and treats.

This is as far as we thought up our big day. Likely everyone would venture home Sunday night and leave us there for one last hurrah. We don’t know what our honeymoon would be like, we don’t know where we’d want to go, or when we’d do it. But what we do know is that people would have no question of our personalities after such an event. They’d understand us more so than they ever had the chance to before… they’d see us able to express our love for one another (even in front of my Mom) and they’d see us enjoying our most favorite pastime with our most favorite people.

Ahhh I dare to dream.

Today Paul said, “… I mean, we gotta check the place out at some point, no?” to which I responded, “…why, when are we getting married, you are Mass. Bound” to which he then rebutted, “don’t you worry about the little details. We gotta start doing our homework, though.”

I suppose we are in no rush, but we aren’t letting this big event slip our minds either.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Listing your Pro's and Con's

I'm glad. I'm happy for him. He deserves this.

These are the things I keep trying to convince myself as I let the news settle.

Paul got into Sloan School of Management at MIT. This is an honour, an opportunity, a great feat, and the sole reason for the two of us to be apart.

We got the news today, a week before everyone else who had applied for the Fall 2009 semester. It was great news. The call from Paul was filled with excitement; so much so that I couldn't even understand what he was saying. Repeating "I got into MIT" was in vain, all I heard was "I got to pee".

We celebrated with his family: Mother, Father, Step-Mother, Aunt... and me. It was nice, cozy, warm... and foreign. Nope, I still have not learned more than a lick of Spanish.

As the night begins to weigh down my eye lids and make my bones ache, I think and cannot stop thinking, that in less than 9 months, we again will be long distance. I'll be here and he will be there... but he will be living his dream and how dare I try and stop him.

Our love is strong and our relationship has withstood many tests, especially one's of distance. We survived 6 months of Paul being in Atlanta, followed by 2 years in Michigan with a 6 month rotation in Kentucky. I can't say I didn't miss him during that time, and I can't say I was able to save money. Let's face it... dates cost $250 right off the bat... Northwest and Delta were not cheap.

At least now I'll be within driving distance... which means I can see him often and for less. My job now is far less taxing and I am able to work a far more flexible schedule allowing me to leave on time on a Friday night and head up to Boston. 2 years ago we found ourselves in the same city yet I'd be at work on a Saturday while he sat home waiting for me. This was never fair to him... it wasn't fair to us.

On the bright side, he will advance his education yet again and thus advance his career. Maybe one day he'll be my sugar daddy... my dream is to get married, live in a comfortable home with our children. I don't want to send my children to day care - I'd love to raise them myself... and once they are in school, I'd like to go back to work ... on a flex schedule to be able to continue to guide them. Paul seems to be receptive to this idea of being our provider and I am grateful for it is the old fashioned way.

I guess I just can't stop thinking about how much I'll miss him - while he is there experiencing all that Cambridge and Boston have to offer... all the new people, new sites, and new things to learn, I'll be at my same boring job, living in OUR now somewhat empty apartment, and living the same life I always had, but alone. But I know we will be okay.

On the bright side, Cambridge is only 2H 22M from Loon Mountain... rated best (or 2nd best) ski resort in the North East... I guess I'll be getting some days there ;)

All I ask is that God keep us strong, keep us smart, and keep us in Love.

I know we will be okay... we are strong people. When you want something you make it work... we've made our lives work despite the odds before and we shall again. I'm glad for him, I'm happy that he is living his dream... maybe I'm even a wee bit jealous... but in the end, I'm happy.

Let us always be happy

Dysfunctional Shower

Don’t get me wrong, my apartment isn’t perfect but at the price, I couldn’t ask for more… except maybe quicker service from our super. No, not a super like in the Incredibles movie, not meaning an ace of the highest quality, but meaning my superintendent. The caretaker of my building.

My apartment has some quirks… the electrical outlets are poorly placed, the light have no covers, the kitchen has fluorescent ring lighting that decides to blink on occasion reminding you of the movie Psycho. Clearly I need to rip out the bulb and make a trip to Home Depot.

Recently I’ve discovered that the only way to operate my toaster oven is via extension chord running across my kitchen… this prompted us to get a cart and move around few things. At this point, I can call my kitchen finished… it’s not perfect but it’s the way its going to be for the rest of my duration at Kensington Court.

Last week, because of our collective laziness, we discovered what it means when your ridiculously long and thick hair collects in mass quantity in the shower drain… IT CLOGS! We have been saying we need to pick up a hair catcher, I even went into the useless Duane Reade (the size of a small deli) and found nothing, but no further effort was put into this necessary little piece of mesh. Instead I watched strand after strand enter the abyss that is the drain.

At first it drained slowly allowing soap scum to collect on the sides and floor surrounding the drain but now it drains VERY slowly… a snails pace. I shower in no more than 15 minutes and within that time; the water level is well above my ankles. It is disgusting. I am reduced to wearing flip flops and washing my feet post shower in the sink or while standing near the bath faucet.

I’ve begged Paul to call Karen (super) for about a week and a half, and of course he forgets. I suppose he has a right to forget these things, but I’d imagine stepping into the nastiest tub EVER is reminder enough. I refuse to clean the tub because the bleach won’t drain only leaving an additionally dirty tub filled with toxins.

Let me tell you about Karen, the lovely, polite, sweet, USELESS super. She is about 100 years old and as skinny as a twig. Yes she tolerates the cold like a 300 lb heifer … I’ve seen her standing out in the court yard… DOING NOTHING. Anyway, Paul finally called her on Sunday because I was about to commit arson at the site of my ever dirty tub. She let us know that “HE” doesn’t work on Sunday’s but she’d be able to come by tomorrow. Clearly someone else does the “dirty work”. She is more like a messenger or secretary if you will. I wonder if her rent is subsidized entirely by the landlord or if it is just a discounted rate. I could take phone calls and not come though too if that helps me get a free apartment. I’d quit my job and live off the land.

Anyway … we dropped off the keys on Sunday. I was very excited for my draining shower that I got home and immediately prepared myself to the cleaning and scrubbing up ahead. But instead I discovered the same tub, with the same slow drain… no dice.

This morning I slipped on my flip flops ready to enter the grimy orifice of my tub for a shower but was too disgusted. Instead I took a sponge bath, tied up my hair and went on my merry way. I NEED to wash my hair, I NEED to stand in my shower as hot water is doused on my body at a steady rate. I need this fixed.

I called Paul and insisted he call Useless again… he FORGOT again… so I Called him at work to remind him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m MORE than capable of calling the super myself. I mean, I have a phone, I have fingers to dial, and I have a mouth that doesn’t shut up, but I don’t have her number! Paul hasn’t given it to me, so therefore he took on this responsibility. I cannot live like this though. Maybe he fears my approach of the subject like HEY SUPER, I KNOW THIS IS YOUR JOB AND ALL … TO FIX THINGS HERE, SO COME TO MY FUCKING APARTMENT AND FIX THIS MOTHER FUCKING DRAIN BEFORE I FUCKING STUFF YOU DOWN IT IN BITS AND PIECES!

I just want to take a shower… sans flip flops

Monday, January 26, 2009

Activate Your Life!

Many of us talk a big talk; running our mouths about losing weight, quitting smoking, eating better, being healthier, working harder, etc… Tell me how many of us have actually done these things or made more than a weak attempt. I can’t list too many names myself and for those who know me, my name wouldn’t even cross your mind to tag onto that almost empty list.

Life is short and it seems like we spend so much time bickering about it, we spend less time acting for it.

Life is a series of events linked together into one. Events can be defined as actions. Many of my own actions begin and end with verbal complaints and at times are goals expressed but never acted on. These seemingly unacceptable lives we lead are only a joining of our actions. Therefore, if we are unhappy with our lives, we must actually ACT in order to change it.

I’ve come across many pity parties the last couple of days including my own. It’s time that all ends. I’m sick and tired of listening to other people’s banter and I’m more then sick of seeing people I care about make the same mistakes one after another. We say we need to change our life styles but we so easily jump back into our old skin. We so easily ask for advice only to dismiss everything said and do what stupid actions you were going to do anyway. Why waste your time and more importantly why waste mine?

Don’t ask me for favors, don’t ask for an open ear, don’t ask for my shoulder to sop up with your tears when you aren’t willing to put in the effort and change your lift.

Don’t say your cloths don’t fit and you are gaining weight if you aren’t willing to trade in that plate of greasy food for a light salad.

Don’t say that you hate your job without updating and sending out your resume.

Don’t say you aren’t healthy unless you are willing to show up at the gym your money has no problem making it to.

Don’t say you are lonely without trying to network.

Don’t say you hate your man and not be willing to dump him.

Don’t say you need to save money and not leave the credit cards at home.

Don’t say you cannot sleep without spending night after night for a week in your bed, in the dark, without the TV on for HOURS till it happens… your body WILL adjust.

Don’t say you can’t learn something new without giving it your attention and open mind.

Don’t judge a person without willing to be judged yourself.

Don’t insult for you too can be insulted.

Don’t complain without taking action.

I fall victim to this as well, but always found it easier to pin point this fault in others. I will work out today; even if for only 30 minutes because being healthy and being able to snowboard and perform well are important to me. I will no longer complain about my size, shape, or endurance without trying to improve it. I will try and eat healthy in order to live healthy. I will update my resume and think of my options. I will save money by bringing lunch and buy less frivolous things. And I will appreciate the good things in my life for they are abundant.

Basically I’m going to activate my life… I’m going to LIVE it instead of letting it live for me. Do the same! If you chose not to, please don’t come to me to complain… don’t bring your bad juju to me. If you want to wallow in your own self pity, please do it in your own bathtub… I like mine tear free!

side note: if you read this and fear I'm writing about you - I'm probably not, but I hope your guilty conscience is enough to get your ass to motivate!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Gray by Alice Walker

This poem has been a favorite of mine for years. I recited it in front of my English class in college...


I have a friend
who is turning gray,
not just her hair,
and I do not know
why this is so.

Is it a lack of vitamin E
pantothenic acid, or B-12?
Or is it from being frantic
and alone?

'How long does it take you to love someone?'
I ask her.
'A hot second,' she replies.
'And how long do you love them?'
'Oh, anywhere up to several months.'
'And how long does it take you
to get over loving them?'
'Three weeks,' she said, 'tops.'

Did I mention I am also
turning gray?
It is because I "adore" this woman
who thinks of love
in this way.

~Alice Walker

After I read this poem, people were invited to ask me questions. One was more of a request asking me to summarize what I believe this poem means. In my opinion it is pretty self explanatory. I truly think everyone knows someone who is like this. Someone incapable of giving them self in an act of pure love. It eats away at Walker to love a woman so meaningfully who doesn't completely grasp the true concept of love. In any event, I finished explaining the poems meaning to me. Immediately a boy's hand raised (not being the most liked in class, I was not looking forward to his remarks). He proceeded to ask me, "What about if you don't know anyone like this". He did get me at that one considering my opening statement was "I truly think everyone knows someone who is like this";however, the witty wheels started turning in my mind when I retorted, "Well then, I believe it is safe to assume that in your circle, that particular someone is you." With that I excused myself and exited towards the restroom.

I haven't thought about that moment for a long time - strange that it would pop up in my mind now.

22 Days

It’s been a while. Work has been hectic and busy. That accounting end of year stretch that makes me cringe followed by the ceaseless transformation into 2009 has finally began it’s slow decent into yesterdays.

Much has happened in 2009 already… I still have no resolution by the way. I’ve been spending ample time with Amanda and Kyle which is always great. Years ago after the breakup between John Paul and me, I’d repeatedly go upstate on the weekends from an escape from my new found single life, not to mention the demise of my closest friendships with Chris and Lisa. Amanda and I were close but never like her and Lauren… the two peas in a pod… they just connect. Kyle was just a little lump of poop and cries, now almost 5 and talking a mile a minute. He plays soccer and he skis… a boy after my own heart. Sadly he wants to be just like Amanda, not me, but I guess that’s what happens when you live over and hour away and only get to see them ever 2 weeks or so.

I must admit I’ve somewhat neglected to see my Grandma as much as I had in the past. The weekends are spend on the slopes for me and the weeknights have been lazy. Not to mention an aunt is visiting right now and therefore she isn’t alone. She’s been negative and drowning in self pity since my grandpa passed away and instead of trying to help herself she just feeds her depression by insulting everyone else and being unhappy with all of our lives… being the case, I’ve avoided her probably almost subconsciously.

Lauren’s wedding planning is falling into place and despite her issues with my mother (no they are still not talking) I think it will be a good event. In fact, I took tomorrow off so we can go order her dress. Sometimes I must think about myself though, and how this is way more stress than any wedding is worth… but to each her own. I suppose I’m just not a big deal type of person. My tiny snowboard wedding is definitely the way I’m going to go.

Work has turned from ok to miserable. I’m bored, under challenged and unfortunately surrounded by people I don’t completely care for. I no longer can say I like the culture as I believe its true colors have only shown since December. At first I was infatuated with the climate… it was warm and friendly in comparison to the corporate culture you usually are surrounded with in finance. Well was I wrong… instead of being rewarded for our solidarity and ability to take relationships beyond formal office banter (without slipping tongue or a hand down each other’s pants) we were all reprimanded for being friendly. I don’t understand this at all… it seemed things got out of hand when they heard laughter in the hallways and social luncheons that are just not common amongst accountants and they had to put an end to it. Additionally, I work with a bunch of slackers and being a bit of an overachiever myself, I cannot tolerate it. And FINALLY, I feel bored… I know I can do more and better work than this tedious crap I’m subjected to as of late.

On the plus side, I’ve come to understand how much I love Paul. Having come face to face with the fact that he may be moving to Boston within the year has helped me to appreciate his presence while I have it. His annoying personality is still very prevalent, but I think I may tolerate it more… because once it’s gone, I know I’ll miss it. He cares about me a lot and I cannot argue with that as he shows it in all his actions. He’s been really understanding of my family politics and drama which is more than I can say for every man in my past life. And all in all, I just know we can get through anything. We’ve faced bigger and harder challenges than most couples will in their lifetimes in only four years and are still holding strong. I know that he’s my partner for life in all my future endeavors. He will be the 1st one to congratulate me or the 1st one to pour me a drink after a failure. He knows me and accepts me just the way I am… though I’m sure he wishes I could stay up past 10PM more often.

2009 will be an interesting year indeed. I hope it works itself out well and I hope that hard work and determination pay off. I hope that relationships are mended and I hope that lives are improved. My own life has taken dramatic turns in the past 22 days… as has our countries. I’m sure each and every one of us will be fighting our own battles this year and I wish us all luck.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


Today someone asked me if I had any New Years resolutions... I must admit that normally this isn't something I even think of. I tend to be the type of person who makes resolutions daily... as well as breaks them daily.

However, he had me thinking of what I can change about myself. At first thought I was thinking to put myself first (in a non-selfish manner) and to learn to say no when appropriate. I've been saying this for years, and as a unrealistic resolution I moved on to what came across my mind next.

To still speak my mind but with more tact. Maybe this will be my "week after New Years resolution".

To be resolute one must be firmly resolved or determined. In which case, what you chose to be your resolution should be something for which you can be determined. I still don't know if I can be.

I suppose we shall see how 2009 turns out.
Feliz Ano