Friday, January 30, 2009

Mother Nature Is Out to Get Me

My battle with Mother Nature is pretty simple… she’s been pissing me the fuck off!

I have many a bone to pick with her. Lets get started on global warming… I do my part. I take the MTA, buy organic when I can, recycle, I even plant things to increase the oxygen in my home! What do I get in return? I get icy winters that include almost no snow, I get nastily humid summers, I get nothing comfortable. I accepted this and decided it was time to snow chase again… and off my $1,700 went to a trip to Whistler, B.C. I’ve been reading the snow report every day for the past month – and what do I learn… that the normal 120inces that should have fallen have only amounted to 45…ouch. That they are grooming trails covered in gravel… yikes. That there has been virtually no snow! Com on Mother Nature, WHAT THE FUCK! Cut me some slack… I make the best of the east coast conditions every weekend… can’t I have just a little bit of Pow for my efforts next week? PLEASE?

We shall see? Maybe If I keep saying please she’ll cut me a break and close up the skies with nice white clouds releasing there giant snow crystals into the air.

My 2nd issue with Miss Thang is this: Why must a female menstruate every 28 days and why must that always occur doing my bigger snowboard trips (i.e. VT, Colorado, Whistler, etc…)? Why can’t we just let it hold out till after… or even maybe come before? No… okay how about it start a bit early or end a bit later so I don’t have it for my ENTIRE TRIP? Still No? Well here’s a big FUCK YOU!

So while you sit up there in the clouds orchestrating to be what I find a disastrous series of natural events here on earth right now, I’m SUFFERING. If we have any sisterly bond at all, please make one of the above happen… all I ask if for some snow… or maybe for the blood to flow a week late… maybe for it to end quickly. ANYTHING.

Oh wait I forgot to mention… Upstate NY and VT got DUMPED ON THIS WEEK… of course when I’m LEAVING to go to where its SUPPOSED to snow.

Ugh, Mother Nature, AKA bitch with a power trip, BITE ME!

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