Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Counting my Blessings (Literally) (1-10)

My blessings are not few… but I’ve glanced at the things I’ve written here again and noticed that aside from 1 blog, much as been written about snowboarding or just flat out negativity.

I have a full life and am blessed and though some things in my life cause anxiety, anger, confusion, loneliness, and upset; can’t we all relate to those common feelings in life?

1st, I have my life and I arguably control it independently

2nd, I have my grandmother. She is like the stock in a good soup, without it things would be dried out and flavorless. Nothing would come together. She is an amazing person… she’s gone through a lot and is resilient. She enjoys everyone’s company and tolerates a lot. She forgives everyone no matter how horrendous the offense and she does it before hearing the apology. She loves unconditionally and her actions speak louder than words. I didn’t hear the words I love you often as a child, but I knew that I was loved. I had a life better than most because instead of having 1 mother, I had 2 and for some time, even 3.

3rd, I have Lauren. She is my frenemy… both friend, both enemy. She is both my opposite and my twin. She gives me balance. She reminds me what it means to be a good sister while helping me be a good mentor. She also allows me to be a kid. It is only with her that I can giggle uncontrollably about nothing at all, wrestle each other to the ground, speak in a foreign language, tease my grandma, and argue about nothing. She brings me back to childhood in every good way possible… and bad.

4th, I have Amanda, my distant sister at one time, only relating to Lauren. She has grown to be quite some young lady and quite some friend. Now we can chat on the phone for hours, joke about things, she can call and ask me for advice regarding friends, events, sports and boys. Yes she finally plays sports and looks to me… kind of exciting. I’ve embodied playing the role of big sister rather than distant relative. I’ve even stepped up to play the role of 2nd mother, handling business that needs to be handled and stepping up when my mother cannot. I try to be her rock and in a lot of ways she tries to be mine. She is well above her years and she is an amazing human being. One day, she will surprise us all by showing what I’ve been seeing all along – a truly selfless and talented person, capable of all things she sets out to do. She is my hero in many ways… and all before the age of 10.

5th, I have Kyle, my little ski wonder and soccer super star. A boy after my own heart. He and I hit it off the minute he could crawl… I wasn’t that big of a fan of him as an infant – I have a thing about soft sculls and soft poop. He soon grew up to be a sarcastic, athletic, silly, heart warming jerk… my kind of boy ;). He resembles Lauren in many ways while Amanda resembles me… maybe that is why the dynamic worked itself out the way it did… Kyle and Lilia and Amanda and Lauren. This little bundle of joy has brought our whole family together and though he is a spoiled little brat, he never ceases to make us all smile. I’m excited to watch him grow and evolve into a young man. I’m excited to see what he does and says and I’m excited to be close to my brother, I’ve always wanted one. A true blessing from God, and for all 5 of the blessings listed above, I think God for them.

6th, I thank God for my Mother. She is complex, somewhat hard, yet entirely soft. She’s struggled and still does today, and I want to help her. I want her to be happy and to get to a good place. I want to help her be a great mother and I want to be a good daughter to her. I’m thankful for her sacrifices and I’m thankful for the experiences she’s allowed me to have. Despite money being thin, we never had a shortage of activities, traveling, experiences, and events. She taught us independence and she fostered self discipline. She made me who I am today. Without her tough love attitude, I’d maybe be no where now. Without her endless criticism, I’d never feel the need to achieve. Without her example, I’d not know what qualities I wish to inherent from my family. I hope to take the good from everyone and include them in who I am today and who I will be in the future.

7th, though I should have mentioned earlier, I have my Grandpa. Though deceased, he has created for me a life most children could never imagine. He taught me wonder and helped foster my imagination, while keeping me grounded in reality. He allowed me to be a child yet helped me become an adult. He loved me unconditionally. He disciplined me. He helped me prioritize, he taught me about respect, the importance of education, and love. He helped me understand, tolerate, accept, and LOVE my family. Through him I’ve learned much there is to learn about sacrifice and tolerance… possibly my biggest short coming.

8th, but definitely more than a single person, I have the remainder of my family. At times bonded together like cement and at others separated like grains of sand, we are still a family. When needed, we flocked together like geese never allowing 1 to fall and always helping each other fly. They are all different and they all have their good and bad. They’ve been both good examples and bad… and because of this I can see now what qualities I want to embody and those I want to leave behind. Through them, I’ve been held up when I was down and brought back down when I was soaring unreasonably high.

9th, I have my health… at sometimes its suspect but I have no devastating diseases or conditions. My scoliosis is mild and the pain can be relieved with physical therapy and at times some drugs. My arthritis is much the same. I have perfect eye site, I have good hearing, all my limbs and organs are functioning as they are supposed to. All is well in the world of health.

10th, I’m thankful my Paul, he is the biggest and most important individual in my life on a day to day basis. Aside from my family, he is all that helps me through encouragement and criticism. He pushes me in ways most people wouldn’t waste their time.
He tolerates me. He even tolerates my intolerability. He is there for me as much as he can be. He tries to understand me. He is kind, gentle, passionate, and he loves me. I’ve never met someone so self-righteous and so self –effacing at the same time. He is an enigma to me and every day I learn something new about him allowing me to fall in love with him all over again. I cherish our time together; for right now it is daily but will soon be only on the weekends moving back into our all too familiar world of long distance. We have a dynamic allowing for such a horrendous way to live (LDR). It consists of absolute trust and communication. There is nothing I won’t tell him and honesty is our key. We indulge in each other when we can and when we are apart we fast and yearn for next time. I will fight tooth and nail before I let this relationship end… it’s been a dream come true without leaving reality.

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