“I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers” - Kahlil Gibran
I lack both patience & tolerance. Some days I do better than other's but I do know that I need to work on this. I have many weaknesses, but the most noticeable is most definitely my intolerance & impatience for others & my inability to relinquish control.
I tried to look deeply within myself to think about why I might be like this and I came up with many possibilities during this self reflection.
1 - all the women & many men in my family are like this... is this a learned trait?
2 - I fear that if I relinquish control, things will not move the way I intended ... but does that really matter?
3 - I always think that I'm right and therefore other's are wrong... no not always, but enough times?
4 - I like the feeling of other's looking to me for help and support when it comes to particular topics... possibly though I'm not certain this is a reason.
I have no idea what makes me like this but I know I am. I think that my patience & tolerance levels are so low mostly because I fear losing control. Am I like this with everyone? Most likely. I know I've been this way with my husband, my family & my friends. I've likely been like this with God. Who knows how many times I stopped something great from happening because I was so busy making sure something good would.
I think I need to learn how to take a step back - and breath - and have patience and allow other people to come in, to allow God to do His thing, and most of all, be at peace when things don't happen as I pictured them.
Now for my intolerance of certain people & their opinions and views - that is a whole other ball game I need to work on. With the rise of social media came the rise of spewing ignorance and or opinions. I shouldn't judge people by where they stand on topics ... especially topics that are so unimportant. I have been so turned off by my friends & family because of the BS they post on FB and other social sites. Should I really care about what they write? No - I shouldn't. But sometimes I read the negativity that is constantly coming out of their mouths or seeing the hypocrisy behind what they & how they live and it makes me want to call them out on it... but what good would that do me? What good would that do them? Then I'd be just like them... spewing negativity while complaining about theirs? It's like a stupid cycle of ... stupid!
I need to snap out of it. I need to update my FB so I see only positive feeds lol... which honestly I did start to do - if you see the # of people I'm friends with but are blocked from my news feed, you'd laugh... it's at least 1/2.
Anyway - here is to recognizing 1 of my weaknesses and hopefully making myself accountable enough and encouraged enough to change!