Thursday, November 20, 2008

Right vs Left

Thursdays… I sometimes look forward to them. Thursdays mark my evening at home with nothing in the way of Greys Anatomy, CSI, and food. Sometimes I have “Greys Night” with L-Boogs and sometimes I enjoy it alone; either way, its relaxing time.

This Thursday, I find myself over tired and under worked. Is that possible?- To be tired due to the lack of brain activity? I continue to sit here and consider my options: I can do some work that isn’t pressing, I can take a nap under my desk a la Constanza, I can watch TV on my computer, or I can write something creative.

Writing a blog can be thought of as creative. It takes some skill to write a blog that really reflects your thoughts. People tend to write what it is they want people to think rather than what it true – human nature, no? Regardless, blog writing is not what I had in mind. Many moons ago, I dove into my right brain (rare for us accountants) and managed to write some simple yet meaningful poetry. I used to think that I had a knack for it. It seems that in the recent years, I’ve lost that knack.

Musicians, specifically rock and alternative, have always been my “friends” when I needed emotionally charged lyrics coursing through my brain while loud deliberate notes pulsate through my veins. Then those same musicians find girlfriends, then wives, then they have children, and before you know it, they are living in a home driving a Volvo watching DVD’s of Barney (Blueray of course). Worse yet; those same musicians, who once sang with passion and feeling, now sing melodic pop tunes sending no strong message at all. Is the same to be said for me?

I haven’t written a good piece of writing since. I get a few thoughts on paper and give up. There was a time I’d write sentences and ideas on random bits of notebook paper, only to find it later and create something meaningful. The last time I was able to write anything I could consider valuable was while I tore my heart out crying over a failing relationship. Does this mean because I’m in a reasonably better place than I was, I can no longer tune into that right side of my brain? Has it now shut me out like so many groupies and fanatics turned their backs on the sell out bands they once passionately followed? Have I become a sellout to my once passionate self?

Maybe I’ll start again, trying to find that dark side, and along with it, that passion I once had… but is that passion to be coupled with depression? If so, then maybe I’m in a better place without the creative right side.

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