Friday, September 10, 2010

Can't Sleep

So this is not the 1st night I haven't been able to sleep lately. Some people stay up late watching TV... I stay up late reading like a mad woman. I get completely immersed in the stories I read so easily. Once I'm inside, I really can't stop.

I'm embarrassed to say that last night I stayed up and finished Breaking Dawn. It's the last book of the Twilight Saga. I'm not even a Twilight fan. I have no intention of watching the movies. I picked up Twilight on a whim because of all the hype. I read it and once done, wondered what happens next. This continued until I got to "the end" and now I know. Then I was awake and hardly able to sleep.

I started thinking about my wedding. Things I needed to do. I day dreamed how I'd feel... during our vows, walking down the aisle, during our 1st dance, while greeting guests, during that 1st night. I just thought and thought and thought.

Before I knew it - it was 3:30AM. What the heck is wrong with me!?

In any event - I did think... about Paul and what's important to me regarding our wedding. Many wish to cut the ceremony short to get the party started as soon as possible. They are concerned about impressing their guests and not wanting them to feel bored. I'll be honest, if any of my guest feel bored during my ceremony, they really shouldn't be there. We are going the full mass route but did decided to take away the unity candle and other unnecessary traditions that didn't really speak to us.

I want God to be part of our marriage and thus I want it to be a full mass. I also want to savor it. I want to breath it all in. It's the 1 time in my life to do this... and I'm going to take my time. I'm going to taste each flavor in the air. I'm going to savor each smell. I'm going to hear every word spoken like music. And I'm not going to cut it short or rush through it because a few guests are hungry or bored.

This applies to our 1st dance as well. It's our very 1st dance as a married couple. It's our dance. We chose a song that speaks to us... but it doesn't lend to a traditional waltz or even great dancing in general. But that's okay... because the sounds, the lyrics, the melody... it speaks to us. And I want to stare into Paul's big hazel eyes and fall in love with him all over again without the slightest concern of entertaining our guests... and then... when that is all done... then do we celebrate. And then I will concern myself with their happiness

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