Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Today is 10/20

Yesterday, I began a blog. It was going to be about wedding planning progress, but honestly, my wedding is over a year away and I'm ALREADY sick of planning it. So we shall get to that another time.

In the mean time, today is my ex-boyfriend's birthday. His 27th. I suppose this should mean nothing to me, but I'd lie if I said it didn't. John Paul is my ex-boyfriend, but he is still very much my history. We do not keep in touch per say, but we have not let a birthday or Christmas go by without at least a text message. So today he received his Happy Birthday text message and I always wonder when I send it what he might be thinking. I wonder if he wishes this weird backwards tradition of ours would stop. I wonder if he reminisces about the good times we might have shared. I wonder if he looks at it and says, why? But in the end, I just remind myself that it's a small act to remind each other that despite not being a couple anymore, despite finding our own separate paths, that we do care about each other. That we want each other to be happy and find love... even if that means elsewhere.

People have asked me if he's seeing someone, what he's doing with himself these days, where he lives. All I can tell you is that he has the same cell phone number and that he still attends American Martyrs Church, where I've seen him a few times during mass. I don't know what's going on in his life, but I pray on his birthday that he is content and happy with everything he's done. I hope he feels accomplished with his last 27 years and I hope he is positive about the next years to come.

Today is also my friend Dave's birthday. Tonight I'll meet him for dinner to celebrate. He is a vegetarian who occasionally eats meat (he's funny like that). Anyway, for his birthday he has invited a few people to join him in a vegetarian dinner. I'm excited to celebrate with him. He is a truly good person and I'm happy for his friendship. Sometimes I think he is a little different alone than in a crowd but who of us isn't. I prefer him when I have him to myself... I suppose it's because it's when we talk about personal or maybe even meaningful things... rather than endless chatter over endless drinks.

So today I am thankful for the birth of an ex-boyfriend... former best friend... and a huge part of who I am today. And for a not so new but still new friend... who I've found to be a true sweetheart.

And mostly I'm happy for Paul - who understands my need to keep in touch with John Paul even if it's in this strange way. He understands that John Paul is my past and that he will stay there, but that he was also my best friend for most of my life and that is something you can't always take away. I'm thankful for his trust and security. I'm thankful to have so much in my life - past and present.

No comments: