Monday, August 31, 2009

What did the little Girl melon say when the Boy melon proposed?

We cantaloupe (We can't elope).

This melon wants to know why not.

This weekend we celebrated the life of my grandpa. We were all at mass sitting in our own pews arriving at different times causing us to sit separately. It was a big group - about 30 of us in attendance. But there were others who sat separately for other reasons ... one's that some will find immature and silly, but they feel strongly about... because they can't seem to get along with any of the other family members. It almost pains them to catch a glimpse of one another let alone hold a conversation.

My grandma's house was filled with grandchildren ... eating, singing, laughing, playing mah jong... but Papa's children? There were none. My grandma's cousins arrived and my 2nd cousins with them. It was nice, we all got along great (as usual). My generation seems to see past small petty fights much more easily than the generations before me. It's not just the immediate generation of my mother and uncles but the generation of my grandma as well. It's like a family curse causing catastrophic fight after fight. When I see how close I am to my siblings, my cousins, my mother, my grandma and my uncles, I can only hope that nothing changes in how I act and feel towards them. That despite their actions towards one another, I can remain close with all of them, but as I get older, it gets harder, and I get lonelier - forcing myself to choose time and again who to spend my time with.

So with that long winded summary of why I feel the way I feel.... Why can't I elope? Because my beloved fiance wants his family to be there... to fill his heart with extra love and support. How can I deny him that? I suppose I can't, but at the same time, what am I sacrificing to give him this?

As much as I'd want the love and support of my loved ones there - as much as I'd need to have my family at my side... they can't stand to be by each other's sides... so how then will they be able to support me while I make the biggest vow I will make in my life? The vow to be the faithful wife of Paul. They can't be there - feeling happy for me, while they are being selfish only concerned about how much they hate each other. It wouldn't be fair ... not to me and not to them. So my solution is simple. I want to elope. I want to go some place natural... safe... calm... and make our vows to one another. Marriage licenses are simple... a trip to court and we can get that signed in a jiffy. Our promise to one another is the important part. Now the part where God is involved. I'm not very religious, but religious enough to want my marriage blessed by God. Maybe pre cana and a private ceremony? Casual... open invitation... no reception... no dinner... no party... because our flight will be leaving in 2 hours and we need to run to the airport to affirm our spiritual connection to one another?

I don't know. Hopefully things will change. Hopefully God will work his magic and help my family to heal.

Today last year we prepared for our 1st day of Papa's wake. The atmosphere was happy with togetherness but somber with sorrow. It was nice how easily all of us got along and supported one another. Who would have thought within only 4 months it would all fall apart.

Now a year later and that family is only a memory.

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