Friday, March 13, 2009

F Train Observations

Taking the F train to and from work is a daily event filled with entertainment in and of itself. You laugh, you cry, you get frustrated, and in the end you are fulfilled in one way or another, good or bad.

1: People do not get up for ANYTHING/ANYONE. It does not matter if you are old, pregnant, crippled, carrying an infant, most NYers are assholes and will sit their 25-35 year old asses down and PRETEND not to see you or worse, stare at you struggling while they relax and use you as their entertainment. 2 Mornings ago a woman taking her young child to school while carrying a small infant in one of those nifty child carrying back packs entered a late and overcrowded F train. There was 1 seat available and I stepped aside so she/her daughter could sit. She had her daughter sit and she stood carrying her infant and not one person got up. I believe that all these people will be damned to hell.

2: People, especially overweight people will squeeze into any imaginable space possible. Now that the F trains are old E trains with an orange F on the front, the seats are less bucket and more bench like. I've seen all sorts of squeezing, excuse me's and full on sitting on laps so that miss I Weight 300 lbs can sit instead of sweating her ass off as she sways left and right as the train lurks forward. Please understand, Fat Lady, that if you are unable to support your weight on a stationary surface, don't expect it on a subway. And more importantly, STOP EATING!

3: Some people will FIGHT you to get on the train 1st. A somewhat overweight black woman w days ago nearly threw me out of the way as the doors opened so she could RUN in and squeeze her fat ass into a middle seat. Seriously? WTF! I don't care if you wish to sit, but please don't pile drive me in the process. People like that will also be running, blocking, and pouncing their way strait into the coffin... which will soon lead them to the front of the line before the doors of hell!

4: White men like to talk to strangers. After #3 happened, I stood and read my book which I felt was highly entertaining. I seat opened up near by but assuming the people standing before it would sit, I didn't make a move. When I noticed no one was jumping at the opportunity I began my approach but saw a blond woman scoop the seat up in record time. She was also seeing if no one would sit. At this the white gentlemen standing in my way said "You'll have to move faster than that." To which I responded, "I'm young and healthy and completely capable of standing. If someone needs the seat more, I'd gladly give it up." Why I had to explain myself, I do not know. I really hate standing on the subway. Partially because I get car sick, partially because I'm lazy, and partially because its easier to read while you are sitting. But really, I do not need to sit and if I see someone in need of a seat even if they appear young and healthy, I do not mind giving that seat up. But I will not get up for 65 year old women in stiletto heels. For some reason I feel like their punishment for wearing short skirts and stilettos while being skinner than me is standing on the F train.

5: Teenagers believe that once in a subway car, their friends can no longer hear at a normal volume. Therefore they speak in tones used to address a screaming crowd of kindergarteners at the auditorium at the school for the hearing impaired. I do not understand why the whole subway car needs to know who Julissa is sleeping with, or what John said at lunch but you know what, we all know now!

6: People love to race at the front of the line to get into the door, so that they can stand there and block the way of others and maintain their standing position at the door. There are door leaners and I'm okay with that, but seriously, you do NOT need to be the 1st one on the train and when people are trying to get off the train, MOVE!

7: Men love to stare at the pretty girl. Lets face it, some of these girls love that attention, but sometimes the creepy dude staring at you no matter where you move to and make you begin to fear your life. You look behind your shoulder repeatedly while existing the car and again 3 more times as you walk to your home, ready to call 911 at creepy dude's appearance. I don't care if someone gets a look... I mean if someone is beautiful they should be gazed upon... GAZE. QUICKLY. DO. NOT. STARE!

8: Why must men but sometimes even women sit as though they are in the middle of labor. Why must your legs be spread apart as if you have elephantiasis? This is even more annoying what it is coming from a woman.

9: Leaning sleepers. I'm sorry but it irks me when you fall asleep next to me and then begin to invade my space because you begin to shift and lean in my direction. DO.NOT.DO.IT!

10: People love to do what should be done in their bathroom on the train! This is almost exclusively meant for women. Why must you file your nails, clip your nails, pluck your eyebrows and do your make up on the train? Does your home not have a light? Please do not do this in my presence anymore. You are ugly, your hands are ugly, and you smell... go home and fix yourself there. If you cannot go to work without makeup and do not have the time to apply this in the home, get it tatooed onto your face.

11: Stinky Food eaters please eat your stinky food in your own home and not on the NYC subway. Enough. Said.

I am sure there is much much more but these are the one's which come to mind.

1 comment:

Akash said...

Things I hate about the F-train:

• Train Farters – I can sum up my feelings towards these people in two words. FUCK. YOU. Seriously, one may THINK it’s funny to be a train farter, but really, it isn’t. And if you are a summer train farter [the A/C is likely busted on 90% of F-train cars], that’s grounds for capital punishment in my opinion.

Think about Lilia’s comment regarding Stinky Food Eaters. Now imagine that guy/girl letting you know about the food he/she ate, through his/her ass. Really. Not. Cool.

• People that dick around with the emergency break – yeah. Stopping the train for like 15 mins was fucking hilarious. Wait, why hasn’t anyone killed you yet?