So I stared at the bottle today. It sat on my desk mockingly ... still undefeated. I then had a thought, what if I stab it with a thumb tac. Despite Akash's advisement to leave it be and explode it in the office microwave, I went ahead and stabbed away! No injuries!
HA, stupid Aquafina bottle, now you have a hole! Then it hissed and spit at me. Mother fucker! this means WAR!
I repeatedly stabbed said bottle with the tac until there was a reasonable entry point. I then stabbed it with my scissor and we had SUCCESS!!!!
At that I emptied that mofo into my HBO water container. Because I believe it is now unsuitable for human consumption, I will use it to fee my plants.