Thursday, June 11, 2009

Future Awaits Me

It has been quite sometime since anything truly meaningful was written in this blog. I’ve complained, I’ve vented, I’ve done a lot of meaningless banter, but I haven’t really written anything worth remembering. Maybe today that will change? It’s hard – a blog almost becomes a diary no? Yet it’s open to many peering eyes and everyone’s life should remain a bit personal… private.

So today I write about myself – yet I don’t reveal too much (some must be left to just me).

Filled to the brim with emotion lately, emotions I cannot control. I’ve been wondering what it is I want from this life and the changes I need to make so that they will happen. I’ve been living a wonderful and blessed life thus far, but hope to live one rich in nature, rich in love, rich in knowledge, compassion, and in all the beauties the earth has to offer.

Compared to many NY peers, I suppose I’m a bit more in touch with nature – after all we are surrounded by cement, glass, steel, cars, single purpose products, and anything man made to make our lives “easier”. I don’t want this and never truly did. An old friend used to joke… he’d call me a country girl – I’m not even close, but I suppose considering my surroundings, my cloths, how I act and dress, I can sometimes appear to be (but only by comparison).

Notice the contradiction in this photo - nature surrounding steel

I have a deep craving for certain things in my life – it’s maybe more than a craving it’s like an insatiable hunger or passion that I can’t yet fulfill. Many are listed below but not all encompassing.

Property (terrace, yard, balcony): I am wishing, hoping, craving, longing for a home of my own. Not a rental, not an apartment, but a house. However in the mean time I’d settle for an apartment with a terrace or balcony – a yard would be a bonus! I want to bring my plants outdoors. I want to have an herb garden. I want to have a morning cup of coffee sitting outside, smelling the sweet smell of morning. I want to BBQ at night. I want to enjoy a Saturday lunch in the sun. I want to be closer to mother earth.

Countryside: I so desperately desire moving out of New York – maybe even out of the Northeast. I’m dreaming of Rocky Mountains, green grass, brilliant flower petals, bare feet, dirt roads, wild animals, soft fluffy snow, tall trees, bright sun, starry nights, and of course – fresh fresh air!

Trees - Earth - Seasons

Our Own Home: A real home with multiple rooms, abundant space (yet not too big), a front door, a back door, a full kitchen, windows on every wall and in every room, bedrooms, and of course … the deed allowing us to do mostly what we want. Paint walls fresh colors, put up shades and blinds, buy beautiful sturdy furniture, hang art, plant window boxes, live life!

Financial Stability: Paul and I both have great careers, great jobs, great job stability, and adequate financial stability for now… but he is leaving his job, going back to school and obtaining yet another master’s degree which can only increase our chances at leading fulfilling lives (him being the working hubby and me being the primary home care-er). Hopefully this leads to amazing opportunities in his future affording us the flexibility to raise our children without the aid of day care or full time baby sitters. Also we hope this will allow us to continue our current lifestyles which include but are not limited to travel, hobbies, snowboarding, exotic foods and local foods alike, and of course, gifts and treasures for each other, friends and family. I pray that we are able to sustain on what God and the future will provide for us. But because I’m also a professional, I have confidence that we will be able to live very fulfilling lives – as we live simply, love greatly, and are both very capable of providing for our families individually, let alone as a team.

A Family: Only 27 – I know I know. I’m young. I have time. Yet I am overwhelmed with the desire to be a mother. I’ve always loved children and I’ve always longed for them. I used to joke that I’d steal a little baby that I saw here or there … steal them to give them ample kisses and hugs. Clearly I would never do this – but it does show my desire. One day Paul and I will be married – and when that day comes we hope we will be ready for children. We hope we will be mature enough, selfless enough, and financially and emotionally stable enough to give our children everything and anything they will need to strive in this every evolving world.

Harmony & Peace: There is very little to say here – I hope that my family … immediate, extended, and future all find peace and harmony within themselves and each other. I hope that they are able to move as a unit while being filled with love and companionship. Maybe – one day?

Not to lose myself: I see myself changing each and every day – from my priorities, my desires, my wants, needs and emotions. I hope to find balance and not lose who I am. I hope to find a balance in this modern world. I hope to balance nature and simplicity with technology and complexity. I hope to balance love and life. I hope to balance family and friends. I hope to balance work and play. And all the while – being true to my heart.

Paul and I - happy as can be eating snow in Colorado

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