Thursday, April 1, 2010


I have to admit... that my family sometimes causing me undue stress, much grief, and disappointment. They are also the most loved beings in my world.

From a very young age I learned how to protect them any way I needed to. When my cousin with a disabled hand was made fun of in kindergarten, I didn't hesitate to pick up that little freakish ginger 5 year old and hold her over a trash can while I threatened her life! I told her that if she even thought about teasing my baby cousin again for something he was born with, I'd take her little freckled ass and beat it senseless and leave it in the ally pond park trash can for her parents to find her mangled body. No I probably wouldn't do such I thing... but she stopped. That little bitch was scared. Good!

Years later we were in Chi-town and one of my cousins (J) attacked our little cousin (C). J was never someone anyone liked regardless. She was full of herself. She was a jerk. She looked down on everyone around her. But the irony is, she's a bigger fuck up than anyone else. Anyway, I didn't hesitate to call her out and the minute her finger was pointed my way to tell me something, I got up and went all out on her face. Punches were thrown, kickers were had, blood was drawn, hair was pulled, and I felt bad. I'm better than physical violence. But I couldn't help myself. I was angry and she messed up. I don't regret it. I'd do it again. Sometimes I actually wish I could. I know I'm above that... sometimes?

In the same year my best friend from childhood decided to talk about my mother behind my back. It was enough for me to write her off for good. No good byes, no phone calls, no confrontations. You are gone. End of story. Dead in a casket or alive across the world - it doesn't matter... she is dead to me.

Last year a good friend decided that disrespecting my sister and me would be okay. Just decided that despite RSVPing yes to her wedding, she could bail. Why, because princess didn't have a ride. You'd think that would be something you'd look into before RSVPing. I didn't hold back. I explained why I was mad. It was wrong, it was rude, it was in poor taste. What really killed me is that she showed up to the bachelorette party. But I thought you were too broke? But you didn't have a ride? How dare you show up! How dare you drink. How dare you pretend. Why wasn't that money put towards transportation to get to the wedding instead? No you, are not welcome in our limo. No, I will not ask around. Would I forgive her... maybe. Would I forget... not likely. She never contacted me again... I don't miss her.

This year... my cousin was done dirty by her XO. He was a douche. He was when they were bed buddies, he was when they were together and he's an even fatter douche now that they are apart. I won't even waste my breath on this person. All I will say is I've never met someone who needed self validation so badly that they would resort to taking no fault for any problems they've ever brought to ANY table regarding ANY relationships. Could only look to his sister as friend and confidant because anyone else who ever meant anything couldn't stand him long enough to stick around. Treated friendship and love like something you can pick up at a grocery store. And then had the nerve to BS his way though life, lying to himself and all those in contact with him. He is a sheep... and that won't change. He's too scared, to self-centered, and to insecure to ever live up to anything worth dating. I'm so happy that chapter is over.

So yeah... this was basically all about hate. You can do me dirty 100 times over and I usually am dumb enough to stick around. But one false move about anyone in my family and you are gone... it's that simple. So yeah I just needed to vent that out.

1 comment:

Katherine said...

Thanks for being there for me; the last time this happened with Joey and this time. I know I put myself in those stupid predicaments that end up just hurting me, but it's good to know I can always jut be my dumb self around you!

As for "J", that crazy bitch deserved what she got and more! (Her stupid mother, too!) You should have had more people backing you up, but we come from a famiy of cowards. Wish I was there when it happened.

Friends always have a way of disappointing. It sounds like these two crossed the line. What can you do about it? When you've had enough, you've had enough. No sense in pretending like it's ok when you know deep down inside that it isn't.

As far as my situation goes; don't go getting your blood pressure out of whack because of something like this. It was my own fault for staying in a relationship that was emotionally unfulfilling. I stayed and made excuses and tried to make a square peg squeeze through a round hole. It wasn't happening. Anything that happens after the breakup--I'll throw it out to the Universe to deal with. I know I tried to be classy and respectful about it in regards to him. Whatever road he takes is for him to deal with. I'm not looking to save anyone's soul anymore; in this life or the one after.

Love you!! I hope I can kick someone's ass on your behalf one day!