Monday, August 30, 2010

Please Listen to Me

This is the letter I spoke about earlier. It was taken from our marriage prep book Marriage: Discovery and Encounters

My Beloved,
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell my why I shouldn't feel that way, you are telling me to deny my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me (strange as that may seem).

Listen. All I ask is that you listen. Not talk or do, just hear me. The giving of advice can never take the place of giving of yourself. I'm not helpless...or hopeless!

When you do something for me that I need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear...and weakness. But when you accept the simple fact that I do feel what I feel (no matter how irrational that may seem), then I quit trying to convince you and can get on with trying to understand what's behind my feelings. And when I do, the answers become obvious. And you know what? Your listening made that possible.

Feelings make sense when we try to understand what's behind them. That's why prayer works - sometimes- for people, because God is still and doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself, staying your "silent partner."

So please listen and just hear me. There are important times in our lives when we just need to be heard... not cured.

In anticipation,
Your future spouse.

copyright © 1998 ACTA Publications

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